Relationships, Work and Complications...

I'm not sure what I think about relationships. A relationship is generally defined (and no, I'm not using a dictionary, this is a "life experience definition") as a genuine warmth or affection that derives from a commonality, or more than one, that two people share. I have always considered some of those "commonalities" as being things like trust, respect, honesty, and so forth. To me, these are BIG things. But lately, I have been letting some of those things slide. Mainly because I had decided that while I am really busy, my friends and so forth much be as well and therefore probably don't have as much time to do things, talk, etc. I think my error in thinking was that they didn't have the time, as because I was busy, I wasn't putting as much effort into our friendships as I normally would. I came to a few realizations though... I have been a doormat over time for a lot of people and have been letting them get away with a lot of stuff that I wouldn't normally. I'd love to say it's just because I've been so busy but honestly, it's more because I didn't want to rock the boat. I have been lied to, my character has been assassinated, I have gotten into stupid little arguments that had no purpose and just made us feel bad overall and have been treated as though my opinion doesn't matter. I am not saying I'm blameless. I've been so stressed that I haven't wanted to tell anyone and I have basically been bottling it up. When that happens, I eventually blow up, normally in an emotional way which isn't necessarily healthy. I have come to realize that while becoming silent instead of yelling is better, emotions are a good way to express what feelings are happening but not if they make you thin-skinned and feeling vulnerable. My problem is that when I feel vulnerable, I am sarcastic or I lash out unintentionally to keep people from getting too close. It's something that I am getting better at but then again, the silent treatment really isn't any better! Also, if I am going to put myself out there to get to know someone better, they need to be willing to put almost equal effort into it because it's not fair if I am pouring all I am and have into it and they do nada...

Now, I have been working insane hours and keeping myself busy with many work-related things and while I really love my job some days, in the past few, I have been feeling really tired and drained. I alternately love and hate being at Sunridge, I miss and then don't the people at the other store, I want things to be perfect because I'm a perfectionist and I tend to work myself hard because I don't want the rest of the staff to think I am slacking in any way! One of the girls at work commented today that I am constantly in motion... I didn't really realize it but when I am at work, I am. And after stepping down funny yesterday and pulling something in my ankle and foot, I wasn't moving as fast as I normally would today. By the end of the day today, my foot was really sore and I wanted to sit but wouldn't allow myself to. It's just the whole "not showing weakness at work" thing... It's stupid and in my head but I didn't want to slack. Plus, I couldn't ask the girls to work if I was chilling in the back room. :P

I love my staff... We are all fairly sarcastic but we get along really well and sometimes it's funny to see who is going to have a "blonde moment" or who is going to whine about something. Today, we were having a "squeaking" problem and ended up talking like "Valley Girls" but it got better as they day progressed. lol, it's going to be weird when we all split up to go back to school in the fall. Only 2 of the girls are staying on full-time (plus me and the new Manager as I'm staying as the Assistant) but the other girls have school and won't be able to work other than some evenings and weekends pretty much. It will definitely be a different vibe than it has been this summer but I'm looking forward to it. I am beginning to like change (within reason) and I like the people I am working with!

This semester I had decided to go back to the U of L and finish off my minor(s). I am only two or so courses away from my English minor and 3 away from a Psych minor, should I decide to do that as well. I am looking forward to it but also dreading it! The only way to explain is that I am finished my degree so it's not as much "GET IT DONE!!!" pressure but it's also a lot of "get good marks!" pressure and I'm trying not to overthink things now because if I do, by 3 months from now, I'm going to be burning out from working and going to school and I don't want that happening. For now, I am taking 4 courses but one is a music class that I didn't take during my undergrad and I may decide not to take it. I only need 3 courses to be full-time and I don't want to kill myself. I almost did that last semester between being sick and finishing my degree. In the fall I will see about applying to get into Education somewhere, otherwise, I will worry about that towards the beginning of the Winter/Spring semester. One of the other reasons I am dreading going back right now is I lived in the same place for 3 years, uprooted and moved somewhere else last year and now we're moving again. But while we have found an apartment (my bro and I), our parents are talking about buying a house in Lethbridge. Mainly so the dog can move in as well and that way we have some space. Plus, then we aren't paying someone else's mortgage... We did that this past year basically and it was a pain! But because it's a little over a week away and we're not 100% sure what's going on, it's not very fun right now!

Anyway, I need sleep, I'm working at 9am...

Reflection...

It's interesting to look back over time and see how life has changed. Or, how life has changed who you have become. 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago... What was important then doesn't seem as important now. Who was important then isn't necessarily as important now.

It seems odd to contemplate that when I was 10, I depended on my parents for almost everything. At 15, I thought the sun rose and set on my friends and family. Without them, it was as though I was nothing. At 20, I did not feel as though my life was as defined by them but yet, I let them define who I was, what I would become and would do with my life. I allowed them to tell me what they thought of me, took it to heart and considered their opinions the be all and end all of opinions in the world. I tried not to care what others thought and while that was not always easy, I did my best. At 15, that was practically impossible. At 20, it was impossible.

I defined who I was based on how others perceived me. Now, I do it as well, just in a different way. I used to use things such as baggy clothes or a ponytail or a big grin on my face or other such techniques to hide what I looked like or how I was feeling. Now, I let my hair do what it is going to, I wear clothes that actually fit, I am honest about how I am feeling and I trust people more. I don't necessarily let their opinions define "me" anymore. It's a hard habit to break though... I think when it comes right down to it, I have stopped caring how people judge me. Mainly because I have come to the conclusion that while I might not always be happy with how I look, what I am wearing, what my hair is doing (or not doing), etc. when it comes down to it, I am an okay person.

I have had people (my friends) telling me recently what a wonderful person I am and how much they love me. For anyone who knows me, they may know that it is awesome to hear but incredibly hard for me to believe. I heard for YEARS the complete opposite of that so while I WANT to believe what they are saying, I am more likely to blow it off or say something sarcastic than to take it to heart. I think that is something that I need to be careful of though. I DO care about people. I DO love my friends and family. I'm glad that they care about me. But when it comes down to it, my head disagrees with what they are saying while my heart is saying, "yes! What they are saying is TRUE!" It's hard to break a bad habit. I used to bite my fingernails, trust me, it's tough. I now only bite them when I am stressed or anxious about something... I think that sarcasm is my way of being defensive. It's as though if I make a joke, no one else can... Or if I make a joke FIRST then I have beat someone else to the punchline. Then whatever they were about to say or whatever they say next won't hurt as much. I'm not really sure why I do that, it just seems to be my self-defence mechanism kicking into effect.

I'm a big believer in making sure that everyone is happy and everything is ok. Why then, can't I be happy? Or ok? With life in general, I have been lately... But when things go well, I doubt it and then I'm not sure how to handle what is coming next. I am trying to be as optimistic as I have been in the past. Sometimes it is hard not to be a "glass half-empty" kind of person and I'd rather my glass is half-full anyway! If anyone has any ideas how to do this, tell me how...


(I am reminded of a Baz Luhrmann song... This song always makes me smile...)


Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.

Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance - even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

"Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out
Whenever I can"

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old.
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,
someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out
whenever I can
everybody's free
everybody's free
to feel good"


So, when it comes down to it, I am okay with where my life is at for the most point. But it is tough sometimes... I have people coming at me from all sides telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing and it drives me crazy! I may not always be completely happy with what I have accomplished in my life but that is mainly due to the comparisons that other people make between their lives and mine. There is a BIG difference between lives that divided at 18 and someone who has worked since then and someone who has gone to school. It bothers me that some people don't value education as much as I do and while I try to see their point, I find it very hard as I tend to be made to feel as though because I went to school and took a while deciding what I wanted to do with my education that I am less of a person because I don't have a husband and children yet.

I say YET. I do plan to have a family someday. In the future... Not necessarily next week, next month or even next year but sometime in the future. I love kids. I want to have a family. Just because I have different priorities than some of the people I was (or am) friends with, I don't think that makes me a BAD person, I think it makes me an individual.

I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinions and that everyone is allowed to live their lives how THEY want to, without anyone dictating anything to them. I know that I am, quite frankly, sick of people bossing others around and saying things about them when they are not there to defend themselves or know anything about what it being said... Sometimes, life isn't fair and I'm not saying it is supposed to be but what it comes down to is that every person should have an opportunity to live their life the way they want to and make the decisions they are going to, whether things work out for the best or not.

I have to admit, I have had times when I have been the "good girl" and the "bad girl" and it has hit me lately that ultimately, I think I am a bad girl with good girl morals. Which means that I like to have fun and do things that may shock some people but when it comes down to it, I am not going to go against my basic morals and beliefs. I know that may seem odd to others but it is something I have been contemplating for a long time...

The UK...

So, I just got back from the UK.

I have to admit, the trip wasn't exactly what I was expecting it would be. I pictured getting the chance to hop on the train and go to Scotland and check out a few of the smaller cities and towns around Leeds.

As it was, I did spend a day in Manchester with Janet, Shannon and I went to London for 3 days and I got to see Sue and Trev and meet their son Daniel who is just younger than me (23, I believe?) and we saw two broadway shows while we were there.

I LOVED Fame! I was stoked to see it and was glad we had the opportunity to go. :) I also really, really enjoyed Wicked! I wasn't so sure I was going to but I liked it WAY better than I had anticipated! Otherwise, I did a bunch of shopping, got to ride all over London and Leeds by bus and taxi and got to meet a bunch of Shannon's friends.

The night I got there, her friend Melanie was having a house party which we went to. I had fun but I felt a little out of place as they were all "Master's" students and I didn't really know anyone. I ended up chatting with a couple of Shannon's friends (Carly and Ben) and we danced and sang along with a bunch of older American music. :) Things like "RESPECT" by Aretha and others... It was pretty fun. I saw but did not get a chance to meet her friend John that night but we ended up going out for drinks another night with Rati, Dima, Ken and John and I had the chance to sit and chat with all of them. We also went for dinner with Carly another night which was fun. We had Italian (which I LOVE!).

I also had the opportunity to try Thai food for the first time and we went to a Thai-fusion restaurant as well. We also had sushi (I'd had sushi before but not like this place!) and we went to the Hard Rock Cafe (the first one to open) in London and I went to the one in Leeds as well. I love places like that because of their history and there are SO many stories! :) We didn't get a chance to tour the vault in London but I will go back someday! ;)

I loved seeing the sights in London and I want to go back to see Baden-Powell house sometime. The shoppes were amazing but the prices were exorbitant and I don't know how people actually LIVE in London! It was insane! We did go to Harrod's though, which was fun! I also went to Hamley's and bought some random souvenir's there for people. A 6 story toy store, how could I resist! ;)

I enjoyed seeing where Shannon is living and going to school. There is a great little Moroccan place by her flat that was fun! We went there a couple of times for breakfast or lunch. I enjoyed exploring on my own as well! The castles and cathedrals were gorgeous!

We had the time to see a few movies while I was there and they were nice breaks... I also found THE BEST drink ever at Starbucks in the UK! And for the record, McDonald's tastes different... It was cool though, at the movies you could buy little cups of ice cream and they had the little plastic spoon in the lid and everything... It was fun! :) Ben and Jerry's is everywhere there!

Shannon and I had our ups and downs and I think that if I were to do it again, I would probably not spend the entire time staying in one place with one person. I would also rather travel WITH someone as the flights there and back (with the connections) were kind of insane! I'm hoping that we are still friends now that this is all over...

Edit: I DO have pictures from this trip! I just haven't posted them anywhere yet due to being insanely busy with work! I promise I will get them up soon!

Facebook...

Friends, classmates, random people who creep my page... (which I have put a stop to recently...) I have now joined and have become wrapped up in the latest technological advancement when it comes to getting in touch with people from your past. It is weird and awesome at the same time how many people I have "met again" through this website! There are some I went to Elementary with, some I did Brownies or Guides with, some I skated with, some I went to Jr or Sr High with, people I know through choir, from camp and a bunch of people I know through TEC or church. It's funny because some people have joined because I have invited them! It is also funny to see what a small world it truly is as on each of your friend's pages, it shows your "mutual friends" so the connections are sometimes weird! That "six degrees of separation" is SO true that sometimes it is a little scary! *lol* I was talking to someone I went to JH with and she and I have since gone for coffee and it was as though basically no time has passed which was awesome! I'm not sure how often we will get to hang out but for sure I have someone new to talk to on MSN and she knows I'm there if and when she needs me! Many of my friends (and even my mom!) have it and we share stories, quizzes, pictures and other such things which is tons of fun! I am finding lately that I use it more than I use Nex and MySpace combined, for a variety of reasons. I like that it e-mails me when there is something new that directly relates to me. Also, that everything that is new and important with the people I am friends with is right there when I log in so I don't have to surf around to see new things or changes that have been made, I can check them out if I chooe to but it is nice to know what is new/different either way! I'm sure there are people on there that I have yet to find or add but my theory is that they will find/add me if it comes down to it! :)

Anyway, life is going ok right now... I've been keeping busy with school and stuff and while I am feeling a bit overwhelmed currently, I am looking forward to the end of the semester! I got my info for GRADUATION this week!!! I also got my grad photos back from the photographer! If people want them, they need to let me know before my mom sends them off to the rel's in B.C. :) I'm so stoked to be done and I have applied for next year so I just need to be patient and wait! For those people who are praying-types, please pray! :) (Thanks tons! ;D) So, less than two weeks left, exams will be over and I will be FREE for the summer!!! YAAAAY!!!

On another good note, I have a specialist appointment for my knee on the 17th to find out of anything can be done about it. I am both anticipating and dreading this appointment! Oy vay! :S Oh well, nothing really bad can come of it other than knee surgery which at this point may be more of a blessing than a curse!

On that note, I'm off to bed, I need to be up early to bake cinnamon rolls before Holly goes back to Lethbridge! Night! ;)

Amber's House. :)

Tonight, we went to Amber's house. This isn't the first time but the vibe from the people who went tonight was completely different. See, last time it was Jordan, Matt, Amber, Kurtis, Jade, the parental units and I. This time, the parents were around but it was Kurtis, Jade, Amber, John and I. We had fun. :) We played Rummoli and it was good because we weren't TOO competitive. The only thing was, John didn't know that Jade doesn't know about the current situation with the others and was making occasional jokes. I texted him (keep in mind we're sitting beside each other) that "Jade doesn't know." I get back, "about tard and sis?" to which I replied out loud, "yes." It was rather amusing that we were texting each other while sitting next to one another. Almost as good as the night Amber and I were texting each other across the table. :P I almost killed Kurtis though! I told him to "bite me" at one point and he said, "I'll let Nathan do that!" I'm not 100% sure what he meant by that but thank God John didn't notice! I'm not sure how I feel about Nathan right now... I think that may be a "one step at a time" kind of thing...

"The life and times..."

*lol* I could be writing a newspaper with a title like that one!

So, I have fought health problems and money problems. I haven't worked basically since the end of December with the exception of a few hours over reading week before I relapsed health-wise and then ended up being majorly sick again. I have been having some guy "issues" (needless to say, I think many people with a Y chromosome need to pull their heads out of their butts) and I have figured out that while I love many of my friends, some of them I can only handle for small periods of time. Lately some of them have been getting on my nerves more than usual and while I occasionally chalk it up to it being my time or their time of the month, when it is a guy, I'm not sure what to blame it on.

I have been spending a TON of time with Amber lately. So much, in fact that her mom has commented that she seems to be running away from home (or something similar). In reality, I'm out of town from Sunday night to Friday afternoon and we hang out when we can all weekend. Some weekends she crashes at my house overnight, other weekends we hang out until really late and then I make sure she has a way to get home (either I drive her or someone else does). It's the same way I hang out with Em many times. Lately, we have been spending a TON of time at my house as a group. The group has changed a bit lately. It has expanded to include a couple of John's friends, Kurtis and Nathan. Also, Matt hasn't been hanging out with us as much and Jordan has brought Jeremy a couple of times. Em brought Minetta a couple of times as well. :)

It's interesting and weird hanging out with a group of people that is quite a bit younger than me. I have friends who are my age and older but what it comes down to is that many of them are couples or are married and many of them are planning weddings, having children, already have families established or are into things that don't have anything to do with school or youth group-type activities. I love hanging out with all of my friends, no matter who they are or how old they are. I don't believe in judging someone based on age. That being said, I'm not saying that applies to all aspects of my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I have an age limit (older and younger) when it comes to dating but I don't think it has to apply to friendships necessarily. A few of my closest friends are younger than me and for now, that is fine with me.

On that topic but as a slight aside, I do miss some of the people I used to be friends with. But if they "haven't changed" or "can't see" how I've changed then I don't need the bs of dealing with them. Apparently our friendships were "all about" me, which wasn't my intention but if that is how they see it, that is their perception and not something I can change. To be honest, nor is it something I am going to go out of my way to try and change. I made that decision months ago. It's funny (in a sad, not a "haha" kind of way) but I've heard that a few people I used to be really close to have recently gotten into other relationships, had kids, changed their phone numbers or moved and I am happy that some of their personal goals have been achieved. It does suck that they felt that they had to cut me out of their lives but that's fine. I'm actually more content with who I am now then I have been in a long time.

Self-confidence and self-esteem... Gosh... These are two things that I have always struggled with. I have to admit, I'm not the prettiest, smartest, skinniest or anything ending in "est" out of any of my friends. Hell, I'm not even the loudest! *lol* I was hanging out with some of my friends this weekend after THING and we went to Peter's and then went back to my house and played "Boxers or Briefs?" I don't remember the last time I have laughed so hard. I am the person who makes jokes about myself before anyone else can. But this group of people (Tammy, John S., Matt, Jordan, Em, Kurtis, Amber, Adam and I) were having so much fun and were so comfortable together that I didn't have to worry about it.

Anyway, there is so much more I could say but I am tired and fighting the end of a migraine so I'm going to bed... Night! :)

School...

Ok, so I'm not a straight A student and I never will be. I have resigned myself to that fact and although I still work my ass off in most of my classes, I do the best I can and still don't get the marks I always want. So today, I had a listening exam in my history class. I know, most of you are like, "a listening exam? Easy!" Here's the thing... They are all classical works, there are approximately 15 works, plus a few of them have more than one movement. So, I needed to know them, know the composer and know why the composer was important. I know this stuff! But I was diagnosed as "disabled" a couple of years ago because I wasn't testing well and no one knew why. Turns out, it's not that I "suck" at tests, it's that I am really easily distracted and that my being in the classroom with my peers makes it worse. So, I'm allowed to write in a separate location and I get some extra time, plus I can write (type... whatever!) on a laptop or computer. But today the professor didn't have the accomodations set up the way they were supposed to be and I wrote in the classroom. I am 100% sure that I BOMBED it! :( I guess it means that I will have to work my ass off on the paper and project in this class... :( I found that I was SO distracted that I got things mixed up and didn't remember stupid things like spelling of composers names. I think that when I get the mark back, I might get a better mark than I am anticipating but I am trying not to be too optimistic or pessimistic either way. :P

Pneumonia Sucks... Or, the trials and tribulations of being sick.

Ok, so I was feeling slightly ill on January 1st and consdering I hadn't been drinking the night before, I found that odd but just went to bed early and didn't think much of it. So, when I woke up on the 2nd and was feeling like I had been it by a truck (dizzy, nauseous, sore throat, congested, etc.) so I called in sick (which I NEVER do, my boss seriously thought I was dying) and slept for most of the day. I saw a doctor the next day and was told I had a sinus infection which I get a lot of so I figured, "oh well, another one" and took the prescription and left. I was supposed to be back in class by the 4th and that wasn't going to happen. My mom and I drove down to Lethbridge on the 5th to buy my textbooks and I slept the entire way down and back in the passenger seat. By that weekend, I was feeling worse.

My mom took me to the Foothills because all of the walk-in clinics were booked solid and not taking anymore patients and they were on 10-11 hour wait. She called the Health-Link number and was told she should take me to the High River or Strathmore hospital's because neither of them takes trauma patients. So, she packed me back into the car and we drove to High River. After 4 hours in their emergency room, I was told I also had bronchitis. I hate being sick and while I don't normally let it knock me flat, by that point, I was willing to take whatever they were going to give me. I was barely eating and pretty much living on Green Tea and water. So, the doctor gave me a prescription for Robitussin with codeine and I took it once and it made me throw up. I figured it had to do with the food I tried to eat before taking it and tried again and the same thing happened. So, we're (my mom and I) not sure if I'm allergic to Robitussin or codeine. I've taken stuff with codeine before and never had a problem but it also could have been my body rejecting it.

By Thursday of that week, I was still hacking up a lung, I only had two days of my original prescription left and I was so unsteady on my feet it was stupid. I went to the walk-in clinic by my house and the doctor there sent me for blood work and x-rays (which he was surprised no one had done yet) and he gave me a new prescription. The clinic where I had my bloodwork done made me lay down because they were afraid I was going to pass out. (Apparently I looked like crap...) The next morning, I got a phone call from the clinic telling me I had microplasm(ic?) pneumonia in my right lung. It made me feel a bit better (mentally anyway) to know that I wasn't stupid and coughing all the time for no reason.

So, I went back in to check in with the doctor a week later and was told that I wasn't allowed to go back to school until after Jan. 21 and even then, I had to take it easy. I went to the Orchestra Cabaret with my mom, my brother, Emily, Jordan, Bradford, his friend Vicky and my friend Steve and while I didn't dance (it would have probably knocked me flat on my butt) it was nice to see my friends and mingle a bit. I mostly sat at the table and chatted with people. Plus, my mom and I had a bunch of stuff that was donated to the silent auction so we wanted to see how it went. I donated a bunch of bracelets I made and a watch and such and while they were listed as "anonymous donor" apparently a couple of people knew and they mentioned it to other people... On one hand, it was cool to get kudos for my designs but on the other, I was having a hard time accepting them... Either way, they seem to have sold well, my mom actually ended up buying a couple with a metronome (they were a "package") and I bought a mani/pedi thing and negotiated with a friend so I ended up with the bear from the Valentine's Gift Basket we had donated (he's a Build-a-Bear and he's wearing a bee suit and it says "Bee Mine") and some movie passes for John and Holly. All in all, it was a good night.

I went back to class on Jan. 22 and I felt like I was WAY behind. I was still pretty wobbly and my mom didn't want me driving so I didn't have my car down here... I took a cab to and from school (with the exception of a couple of days when John picked me up) and it made life very interesting. I had missed almost three weeks of class. This semester, I'm taking Kinesiology 1000 (its my last General Elective and Social Science requirement), Music 3000 - Seminar in Music History: Electronic Music post-1945, Orchestra and Musicianship IV. The only course I don't need to graduate at this point is Orchestra and the others are all required in some form. I can't currently play in Orchestra and it's frustrating. I tried once and it caused me to have a major asthma attack, or what felt like one anyway. In regards to my classes, it's funny (in an ironic kind of way) because Kines 1000 is the prerequisite for almost every other Kines class and I have a bunch of senior level classes but not that one. I'm looking forward to finishing it as some days, I feel as though I know a lot of it and I've "heard it before" and it's frustrating at times. I'm still getting caught up to a point and it's annoying. I hate homework some days and most days right now, I have hours and hours of it. I have labs for Kines, listenings for Musicianship and History, Chapter summaries for History, etc. and I'm finding it overwhelming... Gah! All I want to do some days is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and just ignore the rest of the world!

On the 26th, I went in for a check-up and follow-up x-rays. The doctor I saw said he'd rather wait a week as pneumonia will do damage to the lung and it would be hard to tell anything. I was just finished my prescription and he said I would still be coughing and to take my inhalers but not to worry too much and come back Thursday or Friday the following week. So, Thursday I went in for x-rays. When the doctor came in to look at the x-rays and then called me in, I still have infection in my right lung and there is also infection showing on the x-rays in my left lung. So, I'm back on meds. It makes more sense as to why I have still been feeling tired and coughing a lot. I hate being sick and while I am told that the new meds should kill this, I have already been told that twice and I am going to go at least check in with someone later this week. I have to say, I'm glad that we don't pay per doctor's visit. I hate doctor's as it is but lately, I have seen a lot of them. :(

Work and the Christmas Season..

Work...

All in all, I love the people I work with. The only problem being that many times they smile at each other and then complain as soon as the other person leaves. It's SO frustrating! Then again, it hasn't changed much from one job to another... Although, when I worked at the pool, we had separate change rooms from the guys and a 3:1 ratio (times 4 or so...) instead of a 7:1 ratio.

Christmas season...

So, I love Christmas and all but what it comes down to is that by December 28, I am really sick of the overcommercialization of this holiday, as well as the "tin can Christmas Carols" that are STILL being played in the mall. The other thing is that when you work in retail and you put up a sign saying "No refunds or Exchanges on December 26 or 27th. Thanks, Management." you would expect the crap to hit the fan. Surprisingly, we didn't have too many complaints... We did have a couple of customers who came in, screamed at us, threatened to call head office and stormed out... But really, no major complaints. *rolling eyes* We had staff snapping at each other, complaining about switching (or not switching) shifts, stupid customers, large sales, etc... Gosh, it was retarded!

So, the nice thing about this time of year is that hopefully people are almost done with their petty, stupid attitudes and soon people will go back to their normal selves because lately they have been acting ridiculous!

Post Open House...

The open house went pretty well! We had a good time overall and at the end of the night we had some... interesting adventures. We ended up going to Wal-Mart and then driving all over the city and taking photo's with the stuffed cow we bought and random people. I think the best picture is with the bouncers from Coyote's! :) Although, my brother and the cow on the back of the police car being "arrested" is pretty good too. (The pics are on Adam's Facebook and possibly his Nexopia as well.) We ended up back at my place after hitting Timmy's for doughnuts and made tea, hot chocolate and coffee. We didn't go to bed until 7am but it was a ton of fun! :) All in all, I think everyone had fun!

Before the Open House

So, last year I had an Open House. One of the reasons for it was my grandpa telling me a story of his parents inviting all of his friends over to their house at random times for parties and such. Most of my friends had been to or through the house and had met him but not all at once.

So, we planned it, bought the food, tidied the house, decorated and it was all in order.

My friends came, we played games, watched movies, drank a bit, ate, went for a walk at around 2am and went to the park. Many people crashed in my living room on the floor, chairs, love seats, etc. and it was like a large sleepover. :)

It was a fun evening for everyone... My grandpa said he liked having my friends around and my mom said she liked seeing everyone.

Tomorrow we are doing somewhat of a repeat... The thing is, there is no grandpa this year. I have to admit, that makes me very sad but there is nothing I can do to change it. I'm looking forward to my friends being here but I'm kind of apprehensive about it at the same time. Oh well, I will have to see how it goes...

Christmas is coming

So, with Christmas less than a week away, many people around me are asking, "what did you get me?" or "I wonder what I'm getting for Christmas?" It doesn't surprise me as much as it used to that many people look at Christmas as a time to get "stuff" from their friends and families. Anyone who knows me knows that I love giving people presents. There doesn't have to be a reason but I was told by someone once that I was trying to "buy people's affection" and ever since I have been very careful about what I buy and when I give it to a person. With Christmas literally just around the corner, I have bought small items or made small items for most of my friends. As per usual, my theory being that it's the thought that goes into the gift that counts, not its overall monetary value. So, for anyone who was hoping for diamonds or pearls from me, probably not this year.

One of the aspects of Christmas that I love is spending time with loved ones. I had an open house last year so my grandfather could meet my friends, we could see each other before Christmas and just to fill the house with "holiday cheer." One of the main differences between last year and this year is that neither of my grandparents will be here and that is upsetting but something we are all trying to deal with. We each have our own ways of dealing... My mom has said that any of my friends who don't have somewhere to be on Christmas Day can come to our house for dinner, my brother is throwing himself into his D.J. stuff and contemplating playing Christmas and New Year's parties and I'm planning another open house. It will be odd without my grandpa there but it will be good to see my friends. I just know that thinking about last year is hard...

Christmas Day last year was kind of a gong show. My grandmother sisn't remember where she was and why she was there, nor that it was Christmas. My grandfather spent a lot of time that day convincing her to come home and then trying to get her to feel comfortable while at home (which was tougher than any of us thought). My dad didn't get up all day, he wasn't feeling well and he slept all day. My brother and I helped my mom and grandfather make dinner after opening presents and then helped clean up at the end of the night. My mom spent most 0f the day making sure everyone else was okay, especially my grandmother. Dinner didn't get any better and by the end of the meal, most of us just wanted to curl up and ignore what was happening. By the time my grandpa got back from dropping my grandma off, we had most of the place clean and he was exhausted. It was a good day to spend with family but it was tough on all of us.

This year, my mom has told me that all she wants for Christmas is my brother and I to be home. My dad "doesn't want anything" which is the same thing many of my friends told me. My brother and I have done a lot of our shopping together so that everyone is covered and they should like what they got. I am a little sad though... I walk through shops and see stuff that reminds me of my grandparents and I think, "they would love that!" and then remember that they won't be around to enjoy it. *sigh* I am in a melancholy mood today and I think it's ok. Sometimes people need to be a little sad to appreciate all of the good things that are going on. :)

So, on that note, I need to go sleep... I have an exam tomorrow and I need to rest and take a break from studying (which is what this is!) before I write it.

Random things.

At some point I turned on "comment moderation" which is good. However, if you commented on my blog and it wasn't posted, check again, it will be now. Also, if your comment was inappropriate, it will not be posted.

If I feel the need to express something by use of punctuation instead of profanity as an example, I will do so and if people don't like it, they don't have to read or comment upon my blog. If I make a comment about something, it is probably because I want to remember it for later. If I refer it to something else that other people in my social stratosphere can understand, so be it. Therefore, whoever was leaving me sanctimonius comments with atrocious spelling mistakes, don't bother. If you want to refer to someone as "uneducated" I suggest you take a look in the mirror.

As an aside: whoever posted the song lyrics (I know who you are)... I love the song "Needs" and I love that there is hidden meaning in that and that you chose that song for specific reasons that pertain to you in the first place. I'm sure you did the same with the other that you posted. However, I don't need people taking shots at me on MY blog so I posted them but I read very different things into both songs than you do. Also, I tried "searching" my Russian name and this blog doesn't come up so thanks for lying about that as well. The only way to find it would be on the SproutWorks search, which I found by searching the entire name of my blog. I'm not sure why I was surprised you lied. You tell me people change but I guess you haven't as much as you'd like to think.

Sick... and Exhausted....

Ok, so I'm just writing because I'm sick and exhausted but I slept for part of the day and I have some energy to burn.

The highlight of my day was getting a phone call from Shannon and it was SOOOOOOO great to hear from her!!!

The TEC pizza making day was this past weekend and the day as a whole went pretty well. Other than a minor snafu with the orders (freaking computers! I'm glad my laptop is in being fixed!) the day ran pretty smoothly. There were a lot of people that didn't show up for random reasons but it worked out okay in the end.

THING on Saturday was good. Anne is back from Germany and it was the first time I had seen her since she got back. My small group is an odd combination but fun now! The people that were there on Saturday were Andrew, Jordan, Matt, Anne, Amy, Amanda and I. We had an interesting discussion... Bethany was the speaker and I liked what she had to say. After THING, a bunch of us went to Moxie's and it was interesting. We ended up with two large tables and at one was Andrew, Amanda, Alessa, Cory, Meghan, Kateryna and Adam and at the other was Jordan, Emily, Minetta, Sarah, Matt, Amber and I. Fun times were had by all and there was a ton of food sharing going on... I'm not sure which was funnier though, Amber stealing Jordan's salad before he got any or Cory and Adam licking the dessert plates clean... *lol* It was amusing either way. :)

Sunday was pretty uneventful... I got to work and my knee was killing me so the DM ended up sending me home early. My mom and I hit Costco to pick up a few things and I got these great pink fluffy pillows and then she and I went out for vietnamese food for dinner. Afterwards, I went to Chapters in search of something very specific, had to go to two different Chapters stores to find it and then went home to hang out with Tammy and update my Nex and MySpace.

Monday I worked and then I wasn't feeling very well so I went home and had a nap and then hit Ikea on my way out of town and picked up two dining room chairs (we bought this gargantuan dining room table at the thrift store and only have two chairs so I've been sitting on my yoga ball at the table when Holly is over for dinner) and a dresser. I needed 2 but the tall one I need was out of stock so I need to go back. I got back here quite late and was exhausted but ended up being up most fo the night sick. :(

So, now I'm up, I have helped John and Holly fill a 10 gallon fish tank. Yes, we are apparently getting fish... And now, I'm blogging before I try to get some sleep. Tomorrow I need to finish off the stuff for my new parking pass (for anyone who hasn't heard, I screwed up my knee to the point that I'm not supposed to walk long distances or carry anything over 20pds) and go downtown to "run" (lol, riiiight... *rolling eyes*) some errands.

For those of you who are also sick, I hope you feel better soon! And for those of you I haven't talked to in a while, know I'm thinking about you and we should hang out soon!

For now, goodnight to all...