Something to kill time... and braincells... while I can't sleep...

I saw this on someone's blog on Nex and thought it was pretty funny... Anyone who reads this and has their own blog, copy and paste the list and see how many you have seen...

*****************************************************************************

If you have seen more than 70 you have no life.
Do you have a life?

(My note: I added a few because there were sequels listed for many of them but missing on others... so it should be more like, "if you have seen between 75 and 80, you have no life..." I can guess (before I mark them) that I probably don't have a life... :D

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(*) Grease
(*) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(*) The Mexican
( ) Fight Club
(*) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
(*) The Princess Bride
( ) Young Frankenstien
(*) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(*) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Saw
( ) White Noise
(*) White Oleander
(*) Anger Management
(*) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
(*) Scream
(*) Scream 2
(*) Scream 3
(*) Scary Movie
(*) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(*) American Pie
(*) American Pie 2
(*) American Wedding
(*) Harry Potter
( ) Harry Potter 2
( ) Harry Potter 3
( ) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(*) The Wedding Singer
(*) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( ) Donnie Darko
(*) Lilo &Stitch
(*) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) Ghosts
( ) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(*) White Chicks
(*) The Butterfly Effect
(*) Thirteen Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
(*) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Murderball
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(*) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) King Pin
(*) Never Been Kissed
(*) Meet The Parents
(*) Meet the Fockers
(*) Eight Crazy Nights
(*) A Cinderella Story
(*) The Terminal
(*) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(*) Passport to Paris
(*) Dumb &Dumber
( ) Dumb &Dumberer
(*) Final Destination
(*) Final Destination 2
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
(*) Harold & Kumar go to White Castle
(*) Practical Magic
(*) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Secret Window
(*) I Am Sam
(*) The Whole Nine Yards
(*) The Whole Ten Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
(*) Ten Things I Hate About You
(*) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(*) Sixteen Candles
(*) Pretty In Pink
(*) The Breakfast Club
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
(*) Joy Ride
( ) Seven
(*) Ocean's Eleven
(*) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(*) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(*) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(*) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
(*) My Boss' daughter
(*) Maid in Manhattan
(*) Jersey Girl
( ) Fraility
( ) Best Bet
(*) She's All That
(*) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
(*) Event Horizon
(*) Ever After
(*) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(*) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(*) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
(*) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(*) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) Cruel Intentions 3
(*) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
(*) Miracle
(*) Old School
(*) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(*) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
( ) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(*) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
(*) Hitch
(*) The Fifth Element
(*) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(*) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
( ) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(*) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(*) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(*) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi...
( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
(*) Air Force One
(*) Con Air
( ) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(*) Sound of Music
(*) Mary Poppins
(*) Parent Trap 1
(*) Parent Trap 2
(*) Gone With the Wind
(*) Casablanca
( ) The Burbs
(*) The Terminator
(*) Terminator 2
(*) T3
(*) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black
(*) Nightmare Before Christmas
( ) The Silence of the Lambs
( ) Sleepy Hollow
(*) I Heart Huckabees
( ) 24 Hour Party People
(*) Dead Poet's Society
( ) The Chronicles of Narnia-The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardorbe
(*) King Kong

***************************************************************************

I've seen like 98 of them... But I think some of them are unfair as they are things I watched in school or things I was dragged to... Also, there are things that I "watched" but more like I slept through them... Whatever... :D I added something like 20 or so...

My Grandfather.

My grandfather passed away tonight at approximately 9:00pm.

My heart hurts.

My family will miss him...

I know he is in a better place and without pain and we are happy that he didn't suffer but it is going to be rough on my grandmother. Please pray for us as we go through this time.

Without God, my family and friends, I think I would be a complete mess right now...

As it is, I am crying a lot but I know I will get through this and he will live on in the memories of those who loved him.

Frustrated with myself...

Short blog today, I have a ton of stuff to do this week.

I did some analyzation of a piece that is due on Friday, I did some of it wrong... It is a V of V of whatever instead of just a set of elisions (if you don't know music, this may be Swahili to you...) and I didn't realize it when I was doing it and now I have to redo it... AHHHHH!

I have a midterm (singing) on Wednesday. I don't know what she expects and I have tried to go over the pieces but they are frustrating me. I don't know if she wants them on scale degree numbers, mod 12 numbers or "la"... And I don't know if she wants them analyzed before we sing them... Grrr.... So many choices and so little information...

I have another exam tomorrow... It's my Canadian History midterm and it was one of those "hows the studying going for the midterm tomorrow?" "The midterm's tomorrow?" "Ya, the 14th." Tomorrow's the 14th" Does this tell anyone how my last few weeks have been and how far off my internal clock is right now??? I KNEW when the exam was but I completely didn't realize that the 14th is TOMORROW!!!!

I have an exam on Friday... From 2-4... Which means I can't leave for Calgary until after that. It's a class I am working my butt off in but it's the same prof as the singing exam on Wednesday and I swear she hates me so I'm worried...

On top of which, I am almost done the planning for my mom's 50th birthday party... I called and solidified the room and ordered the food today. I have all of the guests phone numbers or e-mail addresses and all I need to do is send the e-mail and call those people I haven't already mentioned it to. I called a few of the out of town guests yesterday and I will still send them/call them with the information now that it is finalized. All I need to do is get decorations, order a cake and flowers and arrange DJ equipment for John. *sigh* Not too bad for 24 hours work so far...

I guess I just feel kind of spacey right now. Like I'm not retaining all of the information I have been reading and I am getting frustrated with myself which isn't helping...

Today, I'm not reaching for anything, I am striving for brilliance so I can do well on my exams this week and I am hoping for my grandparents to get better and I am praying that everything works out the way it is meant to.

Good Conversations...

Ok, so lately I haven't been doing a lot of chatting. I have spent a lot of time on Nexopia, but less and less time on MSN. Mainly because I am not in the mood to share how I am feeling with a bunch of people who don't care. I'm not saying that everyone doesn't care but other people have their own stuff to deal with and they don't need my crap on top of everything else. Even talking to my mom has been difficult lately... She tries to relate to anything I tell her and say she understands but I feel like sometimes, her "understanding" is more like her blowing me off and that hurts. I know it's not intended that way and that she is going through a rough time and I am trying to be here for her but like she doesn't "get" me, I don't feel like I completely "get" her...

Anyway... this week has had it's ups and downs and I have had emotional highs and lows... I've laughed and cried... I've wanted to scream... but I've sat silently... It's been hard. I've had some good friends backing me up. And people I had never expected to be there for me lend support as well. Holly and I went to a movie this week. ("Brokeback Mountain") I got to talking to some random people online and made a couple of new friends. I started talking to a guy named Dan, his friend Ashley and her bf Derek. They are from Calgary and Edmonton respectively and seem really nice. Normal even. I'm not the type of person to meet people online and then meet up with them in person but I may go for drinks with them sometime. I talked to Shaun on MSN today about going with me and he said he would. :) We have talked a lot in the past few days about a lot of things and it is weird because I feel pretty comfortable talking to them... I'm not normally like that with people I don't know. I am still being pretty guarded but I am alwaysup to meeting new friends so we will see what happens.

Today is Matt's 21st Birthday! I called him to wish him Happy Birthday and then told him over MSN that he is officially old. He said he thinks 21 was when I started saying I was old so that would fit. :) I bugged him a bit more about it but it was all in good fun... I wonder when a group of us are going to go to Vegas now??? We are all of age... (well, for the most part... :P)

Otherwise, today was kind of amusing... My alarm didn't go off this morning when it was supposed to so I woke up about 15 minutes before the END of my first class... I was like "holy s***" and text messaged Ashleigh and she called me when she was done history to tell me she was pretty sure my History class was cancelled (different prof's) so I went online and checked my e-mail and sure enough, no class! So my history class was cancelled AND my world rhythm class as well! (that prof is out of town on tour!) So, I took my time and had a leisurely shower, checked my e-mail and nex and such and then drove through Starbucks (ok, not "fast food" but I'm sure it's not great for me either in the long run... although, how bad skim steamed milk or lemonade blended with ice could be, I don't know...) then I went to the U and did some running around (not literally, my knee is killing me) and then went to Orchestra. I ignored French-boy because I am going to shove that clarinet of his somewhere the son doesn't shine if he keeps being so dumb and Carrie and I spent most of the rehearsal talking... (oops!) But it was mainly about the music (I swear!) and rehearsal flew by!

I got home in time to talk to Dan for a few before he went out to babysit for some friends and then had something to eat and had a bath and watched "Elizabethtown" while I did musical analysis. Now, I am going to finish the musical analysis and go to bed pretty early. I need to get some sleep as it sounds like this weekend is going to be a busy one. :)

Laurel tagged me when she did this a few days ago so I should probably do this... :)

Four Jobs You Have Had In Your Life:
1. Telemarketer.
2. Concession Stand Worker.
3. Swimming Instructor.
4. Retail Cashier/Copy Center Associate.

Four movies you could watch over and over again (not to be confused with favourite movies):
1. 10 Things I Hate About You
2. Clueless
3. My Bestfriend's Wedding
4.

Four TV shows you love(d) to watch:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. One Tree Hill
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Desperate Housewives

Four places you've lived:
1. My parents house in NE Calgary
2. My grandparents house in NW Calgary
3. My cousins house in Cochrane
4. My apartment in Lethbridge

Four places you've been on vacation to:
1. Europe (Scotland and England to be exact...)
2. The Maritimes (Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and P.E.I.)
3. The states (all over the Northern States and all down the West Coast)
4. B.C. - Grand Forks at our "vacation" house

Four places you would rather be:
1. Somewhere with my friends
2. Australia...
3. Somewhere warm (Hawaii, Caribbean...)
4. Sleeping

Four of your favourite foods:
1. Spaghetti
2. Caesar Salad
3. Apple Crumble
4. Vanilla Steamed Milk


Four websites you visit daily:
1. www.hotmail.com
2. blogger.com
3. www.nexopia.com
4. webmail.uleth.ca

Four tagged:
I don't think 4 people even read this... and who potentially might read it probably already have been tagged. *sigh*
1. Ben
2. Shaun
3. Matt
4. Taryn



To end this, my day has been interesting... After the emotional upheaval of yesterday, I woke up this morning and wasn't feeling much better... I didn't go to school this morning, my eyes were basically glued shut (I know... ewwwww...) and it took me a while to get going. I called Ash and she knew I wasn't going to be there and almost immediately after I got off the phone, Ben called to say "hi" and see how I was. I thought it was nice of him to call. When I got to school for my afternoon class I realized I had my music for orchestra but not my clarinet... Shoot. So I called John and he was being a dork about bringing it over so I ran into my history class late and upset... I told the leaders of my section that I am having a rough week and that my clarinet was at home and they told me that they know I know my part and they aren't worried about me so I should just go home, not freak, chill and they will see me tomorrow in class and Thursday in Orchestra. *woosh* went the air as I breathed out after talking to them... I was trying really hard not to cry and they were so nice... Sarah even gave me a hug and told me that if I need to talk to come find her... I don't know that I would but it's a nice offer... I got to be one of the drummers during my African drumming class and my hands were numb by the end of it... Ash and I were tlaking about why I had been upset yesterday and I told her about a lot of it, as well as about a friend that I miss talking to... She thought I meant Will... I clarified and she was surprised but then realized that at this time last year, Will and I hadn't even started dating, so while we talked, it was more of a "hanging out" than a "baring the soul" friendship. After class, I came home and John and I got Little Caesars Hot and Ready for dinner and then I went and picked up some milk and juice at Safeway and rented a few DVD's at Blockbuster (Just Like Heaven, In Her Shoes, Elizabethtown and Waiting) and stopped at Starbucks for a Vanilla Creme (yay for gift cards...) and then came home and have been watching movies since. In the last few minutes I got a text message from Holly asking if I want to go see a movie tomorrow night... We are going to go see the "gay cowboy movie" or "Brokeback Mountain" (Heath Ledger... :D) tomorrow night once she is done ringette. She is a nice person and I am glad my brother has found someone like her. Last night she sent me a message over Nex saying that she "luffs me"... It was nice of her. She also said that she was going to call to talk to me when John told her I was upset but figured I might need space. I am glad she didn't push, I'm not sure if I wanted to talk or not when she would have been calling... It was a long night... Speaking of which, I need sleep so off to bed I go...

Something Random...

I stole this from Laurel's blog who got it from Carol's but I also got it by e-mail from Shannon as well!

You are supposed to copy and paste the list and then bold anything that is true about you!

Some of them are pretty graphic, so read at your own risk.
Here I go!

I hate my name. - I used to anyway, now I don't mind it so much.
I miss somebody right now. - My friends and family who aren't here...
I watch less tv than I used to. - Only because I am never home when the good shows are on but I tape some of the ones I really like.
I love olives. - I prefer black to green...
I love sleeping. - I never get enough sleep though...
I own a lot of books. - probably the definition of "a lot" is less than half of my collection. :)
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games. - Some, depends, mainly ones like tetris, etc.
I believe honesty is the best policy.
I like and respect Al Sharpton. - Should I know who this is?
I curse a lot. - I try not to but sometimes I slip...
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I have a hobby.
I carry my knife/razor everywheres with me. - No, why would I?
I've never broken anyone else's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I love rain. - True on days when I have time to go walking in it, especially if it's a warm rain...
I'm REALLY paranoid. - About some things...
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. - Unfortunately... Yes...
I need money right now. - I don't know about "needing" it exactly but it would make my life a whole lot easier right about now...
I love sushi.
I talk really fast when I get excited/nervous. - Or all the time... I try to slow down though, I know it throws people off.
I have minty fresh breath in the morning.
I have semi-long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one brother and/or sister.
I was born outside of Canada.
I shave my legs.
I have a twin.
I am actually wasting time doing this thing.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. - I probably could but it would be tough...
I like the way I look most of the time. - Actually more and more lately... I have been caring less and less what others think and because of that, I tend to end up liking how I look when I do care...
I have friends.
I know how to do cornrows.
I am very pessimistic. - Sometimes, I try to be positive!
I have mood swings. - Sometimes, not something I can always control. :(
I think Britney Spears is hot.
I have cheated on a significant other.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I think that I'm popular.
I have dyed my hair.
I have kissed someone of the same sex. - 18th birthday party... nuf said.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. - At home...
I love to shop. - I would like this more if I had money. (I agree with Laurel.)
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm obsessed with my blog! - Only slightly...
I don't hate anyone.
I'm embarrassed to be seen with my mother. - Never!
I have a mobile phone. - YAY FOR CELL PHONES!
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have never been in a real, serious relationship before.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently have a crush on someone. - I'm not telling...
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. - Sometimes...
I want to have children in the future.
I've had the cops called on me before.
I bite my nails. - Especially when I am nervous or bored.
I've been depressed before.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I'm sad. - Sometimes...
I open up to others easily. - Depends on the situation...
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I like Disney movies.
I am a sucker for pretty eyes. - On guys especially...
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
I love Martha Stewart.
I really like someone.
I am self conscious.
I like to laugh a lot.
I smoke a pack a day.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I have scars. - Mainly on my knees and elbows from when I was younger...
I've been out of this country.
I am really ticklish. - Only in specific places and only a few people know where...
I love chocolate.
I am comfortable with being me. - Sometimes...
I play computer games/video games when I'm bored. - Sometimes...
Gotten lost in a big city. - Seattle once and Vancouver once... and L.A. with my parents once... We ended up at this McD's in a really scary part of L.A. and it was bad...
Saw a shooting star. - At camp...
I had serious surgery. - Widom teeth not included...
Hugged a stranger. - If you know me, you shouldn't even have to ask...
Been in a fist fight with the same sex.
Been arrested.
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose. - And juice, and water, an jell-o and ice cream... If it's liquid in some form, it probably came out of my nose at some point...
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents. - Unfortunately...
Kicked a guy where it hurts. - In Junior High...
Been skydiving.
Been bungee jumping.
Broken a bone. - When I was 6, I broke my leg...
Played spin the bottle. - In Junior High...
Gotten the chicken pox. - When I was really little...
Ridden in a taxi. - In Calgary, Lethbridge, Edmonton, and Europe while I was there...
Shoplifted. - Unfortunately yes, I walked out once with a pack of gum in my hand inadvertantly... I went back and paid for it later...
Been fired. - Yup, see two below this one...
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. - Unfortunately...
Stole something from your job. - I sent a fax once and told my boss I would pay for it the next day and she said it was fine... The manager the next day siad it was theft and "let me go"... *rolling eyes*
Had a crush on a coach. - Wasn't my coach, was one of the coaches at my H.S. An assistant coach actually...
Saw someone/something dying. - My grandpa when I was really young (9, I think) and my cat when I was about 11...
Been on a plane. - I LOVE to fly!!!
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Thrown up in a bar.
Eaten Sushi.
Met someone in person from the internet. - In high school... we met in public and each brought a friend. Turns out he went to H.S. with some of my friends but it was a weird coincidence that we met online...
Been to a motorcross show.
Done hard drugs.
Taken painkillers. - For my knee and my back...
Saw Bucks Fizz in concert.
Consumed alcohol.
Run away from home. - I ran to my grandparent's house.
Lied to your parents about where you are. - My mom generally knew where I was, my dad was generally clueless...
Own an iPod. - It's a mini but it's good. :)
Are a sports fanatic.
Would wear pyjamas to school. - I have in University...
Had a job.
Been in love. - Or thought I was...
Eat fast food weekly.
Have self-inflicted scars. - Guides, hot glue gun... And bicycles at the end of grade 6...
Believe in ghosts.
Can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
Seen a therapist.
Love white chocolate. - I'm a dark chocolate kind of girl...
Single.
In a relationship.
Kissed a stranger. - We were "related" distantly and it was on the cheek (it was an "auntie").
Been obsessed with another person.
Argued for the fun of it. - Not fun for me, for for the other person apparently...
Made out in a moving vehicle.
Been to a casino. - Worked one for John's band in H.S. and my choir at M.R.C. as well as going with Kristyn one time...
Been in a bar.
Skipped school.
Been punched.
Been naked in public.
Come close to death.
Gotten stitches. - Wisdom teeth...
Bitten someone.
Crashed into a friend's car.
Been to Japan.
Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Slept with someone you shouldn’t have.
Been married.
I believe everything happens for a reason.
Had someone cheat on you.
Over dosed.
Have hated your life. - Sometimes!
Have no one who cares. - Feels like it sometimes...
Like Monty Python.

Emotional High to Emotional Low in 4 days...

So I went home this weekend pretty pumped... Friday night I was supposed to hang out with Laurel after spending some time at the hospital visiting my grandpa (which was good when I first got there, it was just the two of us but later, it was my mom, dad, he and I and he was really out of it...) but after my physio appointment I needed to run some errands and those tired me out so Laurel and I took a raincheck... Ben called and we ended up going to BP's for "hot dessert" and then he came over and we watched "Under the Tuscan Sun." Nice thing about it was I didn't have to drive and there was no fear of drowning if I fell asleep (Laurel and I were going to go to the winter club to sit in the hot tub)... As Ben was leaving, John was just getting home from the Cave and Ben's car (actually his brothers car) wouldn't start. He ended up crashing on the living room floor and the next morning his brother came over and when I left, they were trying to figure out what to do...

Saturday was the Steering retreat out at King's Fold... It is SO beautiful out there! I told Laurel that we should get three or four girls together and do a girl's retreat weekend out there... We should try to get the room with two beds on the main floor and two in the loft... :) At the end of the day I was supposed to meet my mom and then go to Shaun's birthday party. Well, the doctor from the nursing home called to say that they think my grandma had either broken herhip or her pelvis when she fell last week and did my mom want to go to the ER to take her for x-rays. My mom said she'd rather not as they would end up sitting for hours on end, like she did when she took my grandfather in. So my grandma is scheduled for x-rays tomorrow morning. She is on bed rest and isn't moving at all so she is fine where she is (doctor's choice...) and they are taking her over by ambulance to wherever the x-rays are being done. Mom and I had a miscommunication that night that ended in us having a huge fight and I was exhausted and upset so I stayed home and had a nap and then when I woke up, I decided to go to bed early...

Sunday, I had a massage (I was SO tense) and then my mom and I had made plans but apparently so had she and John. They went to the Roughnecks game and then were almost an hour and half late getting back. Apparently, another miscommunication, again, my fault... So, eventually, I drove back to Lethbridge, I couldn't handle anymore arguing...

Today started out uneventfully enough... John has our grandparents car this week (he was threatening not to come back unless he had a vehicle... apparently I'm "mean" and I don't let him have the car as much as he would like. Not the point...

I called and booked the room at the CWC for my mom's 50th birthday party but I need to get in touch with her friends and such and make sure that if anything happens, family-wise, in the next few weeks that I can cancel if need be... I look forward to planning this though because right now, I need a purpose or I may go stir-crazy...

Tonight I had a Rover crew meeting... It was a gong show from the beginning and people got loud and upset and when it was all said and done, I have a headache and I feel like I'm going to be sick... It started out as a few of us having a few questions and snowballed from there... It was a rough meeting and it upset me more than I already was.

Ok, so most of my friends know that my grandparents are older and ill at this point in time. My grandpa is supposed to be moving to a hospice thsi week and they have given him little time left... My grandma has been resiliant so far but she's not doing well either and if anything happens to my grandpa, I don't know what she will do... Honestly, I don't know what I will do either. I feel frustrated because I am helpless... I feel like when I go home right now I am in the way but it's as though if I don't spend some time with them now, it might be too late... I don't think I will deal well if something were to happen... On top of everything else, I'm trying to stay in touch with my friends and keep my schoolwork balanced and while neither of those are major stressors, with the other stuff family-wise that is going on, it is not good...

I realized tonight, after the meeting when I was thinking about everything that is going on (I had to tell my advisors...) I just wanted to sit and cry and have someone give me a hug or talk to someone about how I am feeling... I don't have anyone I can do that with right now... The people I have depended on in the past couldn't give a damn at this point how I am... And my friends that do care, they have a lot going on with school and work and such respectively and I don't want to be a burden... I feel like that is why I lost the friends I did... Because the burden of being my friend was too much for them and I don't want anyone feeling that way again... I think the thought that hurt the most is that the person I have considered one of my bestfriends for years would hang up on me if I called him... Also, many of the people I was friends with in HS and such would figure I'm spazzing over nothing. I feel like my immediate family unit is falling apart at the seams and there is nothing I can do to help it or fix anything... I hate this feeling and this situation... I have been praying a lot but I don't know what else I can do... :'(

Random pictures and thoughts, expressing how I'm feeling...

I am in a pretty good mood today... Yesterday I fell and screwed my knee up worse than it already was... But I am going to go see my physiotherapist when I get back to Calgary and he will do stuff (like prick me with needles) that will make it feel better. I look forward to it... I have a Steering retreat tomorrow and I worry that we will be playing some active "get to know you" games but if we do, I may have to sit them out. I'm pretty sure most people know me anyway. :P It's Shaun's birthday today! Shout out to him! "Happy 24th Birthday Shaun!!!" I will be seeing him tomorrow night and he will get Christmas, Birthday and Valentine's all in one stop because I don't know if I will see him before Valentine's Day and I still have his Christmas present in my car. Now, I am going to go drive-thru Starbucks (best invention ever! And it's NEW, right by my house!!!!) and get a "Blended Strawberry Lemonade with two pumps of Raspberry Syrup" (SO GOOD!!!!) and then hit the highway. :) I will write more or again later this weekend!

Dwelling on the past...

So today I have done a lot of soul searching... When I do that, I always feel as though I come up lacking somehow... Like, I'm not a good enough person, or I haven't accomplished what I should have, or I have been a bad friend, or whatever... I have decided that once a week, I will spend a few hours by myself, doing what I want. Now, because I know some of you are sickos, I think I should mention that the last two weeks I have gone for dinner and a movie. Yes, by myself. It gave me time to do homework, or read a book while I ate and then I got to see a movie I have been wanting to see. Last week, it was "Glory Road"... I laughed, I cried, I laughed while I cried. This week, it was "Big Mama's House 2." Martin Lawrence is freaking hilarious in this movie! I think it was almost better than the original and I really enjoyed the original... :) Anyway, I digress. Spending time hanging out in my room is all good and such but... *shrug* at least if I am out in public, I can soak up the atmosphere. As many people know, I like to people watch and it's always interesting in restaurants and theatres.

So, in the past week.... My grandfather has been listed on his medical charts as "critically ill" and he is barely functioning. I found out earlier today that the nursing home attendants found my grandma wrapped in a blanket lying on the floor... They had no idea how she got there, how long she had been there or what had happened... *sigh* John has decided he hates life. So he went back to Calgary today and will be back "on Monday... maybe." I went with my mom to this Reggio Emilia opening at the new Jubilee... It was a showing and reception with snacks and drinks... You apparently had to be someone big in Education, at the CBE or University to be invited (mainly) and it was interesting meeting the women from Italy. I saw my grade 2 teacher there, as well as some other people I know through my mom. After I went out for dinner with my mom and her friend Ann. (I am supposed to be planning a 50th birthday party for my mom... I should start making a guest list...) I was at THING on Saturday and even though I wasn't in a very social mood, I went to Moxie's after and it was nice to see my friends. Considering what little social life I have, it's good to get out occasionally. I have been up until at least 4 most nights this week, doing homework and generally thinking too much. I have had a nap a couple of afternoons to counteract it... It's stupid...I also had an argument with a good friend over something that shouldn't have been an issue but we resolved things and he called me this week. It was nice to hear from him... :)

I have to say, I am REALLY worried about my grandpa. :(

I had a long talk tonight over MSN with a good friend. Actually, one of the best friends I have ever had and one of the best people I know... She was waiting for her daughter to fall asleep and then it ended up that she stayed up to talk to me... I thought that was really nice of her... We don't get to see each other or talk as often as I'd like but I know I can always count on her. I just have to mention... She sent me an e-mail (I was going to bed but I went and took my contacts out and brushed my teeth and the computer beeped so I came back to read it... Slightly easily distracted...) and it is a way of keeping in touch with her. I think, out of all of my friends, she is one of the people I miss the most when we don't talk because she helps keep me grounded and she loves me for who I am, not someone she wants me to be... It's nice having a person like her in my life and I don't tell her nearly often enough how much I appreciate her... I hope she knows. We talked a lot about where we are in our lives and where we had pictures ourselves to be at the end of HS. And... our 5 and 10 year plans... It's weird/interesting to think about how much is different now and how much we have each changed.



Now, I am going to bed... I am searching for peace of mind and spirit so I can sleep... I am reaching for my steamed milk and a tylenol for the headache I can feel coming on...

Long and tiring day...

Short version of today: Went to school, sat through class and was tested on a two-handed rhythm, came home, went back to school, sat through a class in which we bribed the prof with Jelly Belly's and then got "brownie points" for knowing that "O Canada" has a second verse and being able to recite it, went to World Rhythm and learned three new dance steps, some new rhythms and then orchestra where the guy one down from me spent the hour he was actually there staring off into space and not playing or participating (when there are normally at least 4 of us and there were only 3 today, one of 3 sitting staring at the ceiling doesn't help!) and then I took my car for a tune-up.

Now, I am sitting here contemplating why I am writing on here at all. I know of... one... person who actually reads what I write and even then, I know it's not stimulating but seriously... *rolling eyes*

I have been avoiding some of my "friends" this week. Friendships are two-sided and while I like being there for them when they need me, it's annoying to have them ignore me unless they are having some kind of "crisis." I'm at the point of, "if you're only going to call me/talk to me to complain, get a therapist or start paying me by the hour." Not that I would ever say that but some days it's tempting... *sigh*

I'll tell you what really gets me... people who don't talk to you online or call you all week and then Thursday night act all buddy-buddy, like they want to spend time with you over the weekend... Ok, I like spending time with my friends if it's mutually convenient. But spending time with them because they feel bad for not talking to me all week or whatever is not happening. If they have their own lives and friends during the week and they are making me feel like a charity case in need of a friend, that's not fair to me. If I'm going to put effort into a friendship, I would expect the same from anyone else.

New Topics. (I do that a lot...) Last night, I went online and filled out my TEC application. I hit "Send to Core" and got an error message. So I e-mail the fabulous webmaster and he says he didn't receive it. So today, I filled it out again and re-sent it. I got the confirmation e-mail so it seems to have gone through.

I have also filled out my application for Camp. My problem is that last summer I was MAJORLY honest on it and I felt like it later came back to bite me in the bum. Not cool.... So I am praying a lot about whether to send it in or not and which position I feel called to do this summer. I love being in cabin but... I am feeling kind of rejected considering I haven't even been asked to work any of the winter camps...

Now, as Laurel normally writes at the end of her blogs: Today I am reaching for patience and the knowledge that where I am feeling called is where God is truly calling me.

Should write more often.

So I should update this more often, maybe not daily as I used to but more than once a week for sure. Today I am feeling especially blah... It was a good weekend, all said and done, but it had it's trying moments. Such as being yelled at by my brother because he didn't listen to directions I had given him... Of course, it was my fault and then a friend was comforting me and said he didn't think his "gf" (not exactly but close enough) would mind... Seriously...?!?!?!?! He and I have been friends for eons longer than they have known each other and I don't get why he would have to make a comment like that. Honestly, who cares if she minds, he and I are just friends! And he's one of my bestfriends so if I can't turn to him when I am upset, how fair is that? Anyway, the cab went pretty well, we all had an okay time. The silent auction went okay as well... I was bidding on Roughnecks tickets for John but at the point that the tickets were bidding for more than it would cost him to buy them normally, I stopped. We ended up with $25 for East Side Mario's (door prize), $25 for Montana's (didn't pay that much for it, it came in a package), four passes for movies/mini-golf, a gift basket from Avon, a Pedicure, a Pedicure at home set, a set of shampoo and conditioner, a Grease Poster, a Build-a-Bear and a couple of scarves. It sure looks like a lot written out that way when in actual reality, most of it was packaged with other stuff so it was only something like four items... The proceeds go to a good cause (the orchestra's tour in a month and a bit), and this way we supported it without having to pay money towards the actual tour. I would have liked to dance more but c'est la vie. I helped Julie out as needed and at the end of the night there was some older guy who kept yelling at her over a misunderstanding of sorts and I was there to give her a hug and calm her down. John joked with her and got her to smile and threatened to kick the old guys butt. Matt also gave her a hug and by the time Andrew (her bf) got out there, she was much calmer. It was interesting to meet Peggy's significant other and to see Suzie again... I was thanked by various different professors for my hard work and all I did towards making the silent auction a success. I am trying to work on saying "You're Welcome" instead of "No Worries" when someone thanks me for something.

I spent some time in bed on Saturday due to my head being sore and after the Cab I stayed up to watch part of "10 Things..." (which is one of my favourite movies) and then I went to bed before anyone else because my head hurt. I woke up late yesterday and stayed up long enough to say good-bye to everyone (Matt, Ben and Brit) as they left and then I went back to sleep for a while. I got up again to work on homework and I watched "Grey's Anatomy" (I'm slightly addicted) and then I went to sleep again after taking some major painkillers. I got up this morning anf my head was still pounding and I felt dizzy and nauseous. I slept most of the day, saw the dr this afternoon and tonight, I am going to finish homework and then go to sleep early. I still don't feel well but there isn't much I can do about it...

Short Version of this week...

Monday I had school, then Rovers (we went bowling but I didn't bowl, my knee was bothering me). John came with me and registered as part of the crew. We have a new girl, her name is Shivani and she is from India. She is here on an exchange with the Rotary Club and she seems very nice! The people who went were John, Shivani, Will, James, Cory, Rick, Andy and two of Cory's friends from work (Skye and someone...).

Tuesday was a day from HELL!!! :( I had a migraine when I woke up (the weather must be changing) so I took a Motrin and a Tylenol Max and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I had class all afternoon so John dropped me off around 12:15 and picked me up when I was finally done sectionals just after 7. We went out to see Holly at work and grabbed something to eat and then came home and he went to work.

Today I dropped him off, went to class, came home and cleaned/organized and then tonight I went out for dinner with Will. We went to the Mongolie Grill and it was ok... Sometimes a bit awkward but there doesn't seem to be any way around that. Afterwards I dropped stuff off to Julie for the Silent Auction this weekend and ran over to Rick and Joyce's to drop off a thank you card for Larry.

Now, I am home and I am going to continue cleaning/organizing. I always feel like the place has to be spotless when I have friends over... I am stressing out because I don't think it will be totally clean by the time I have to leave tomorrow. :( I am trying my hardest though! (Who needs sleep? Honestly!) I do need to get a bit of sleep so I can function to drive tomorrow though... Whatever, back to the grindstone!

Today in point form.

Today I did the following:

- Slept in until 11am (because I could and I have been exhausted recently).
- Hung out with my grandpa.
- Went shopping with my mom and brother.
- Dealt with my dad on a number of topics.
- Went to Ken and Trevor's birthday party (the pizza part, I was dealing with family stuff before it).
- Talked to Ben, nothing was really resolved, in fact, I felt worse after.
- Picked John up and organized groceries for the week.
- Drove to Lethbridge.
- Talked to Holly about the Cabaret.
- Talked to my mom and found out my grandpa is at the ER at the Lougheed because his back was bothering him so much.
- Now... I am going to bed.

Interesting... Birthdays and THING and such.

I keep forgetting how much blogging at the end of the day calms me down... It helps me get to sleep and it's no wonder if that's the case that I haven't been sleeping so well lately.

Hmmm....

This weekend has been quite interesting thus far...

Friday night I went out with Taryn, Jan, Ben, Mika and Stephen for Taryn's birthday. The six of us went to the Wildwood pub (which was actually pretty nice) and then Ben and Stephen left and the four of us went to Karouzo's for their karaoke night. I sang "These Boots Are Made For Walking" and "I Will Survive" and Mika sang "My Way" and we did "If I Had $1,000,000" together. Taryn didn't sing but she did get sung to and she had to do a muff diver (it's a shot) from between some random guys legs. It was pretty amusing and we took tons of pictures/videos. :) I was expecting a call from Ben and never heard from him and Laurel and I talked while I was on my way home. I miss talking to her at random times during the week...

Today I slept in and then went to the bank (to get a new debit card, mine hasn't been swiping properly), to Axe Music (to pick up a silent auction donation and look at/buy a Djembe) and then to Chinook to find a dress for next weekend (the Cab is next Saturday). I spent some time hanging out at the mall once I found a couple of dresses and put them on hold and then met up with my mom to get her opinion and to buy one. We also went to the Build-a-Bear Workshop and made a bear to go with the "Valentine's Gift Basket" that we are making for the Silent Auction. His name is "Valentino" and he is white with a blue nose and he is wearing a tux (complete with shoes) and is holding roses. He is VERY cute. :) Afterwards, I went to the church and worked on some homework and played Zuma while I waited for other people to show up and THING to start. The talk was really good and it created a lot of conversation/discussion afterwards during small groups. After THING, we went to Moxie's and I talked Trevor into going with us. It was awesome to hang out with him, I don't get to do that very often. I sat at the same end of the long table as Matt, Trevor and Britney. It was nice to get a chance to converse about things that weren't mainstream... Meaning, we talked about a ton of different things, basically from the crude to the lame to the indepth, hard hitting stuff. It was interesting.

Now, I'm home and going to bed P.D.Q. Tomorrow I am doing some random stuff, including shopping for the rest of the stuff for the basket with my mom and going to Trevor and Ken's joint birthday party or "BIRTHDAY PANDEMONIUM" at Fish Creek and then Ken's house. Eventually, I will drive back to Lethbridge as I have class on Monday morning... For now, off to bed I go!