I'm finding it amusing... I don't judge others based on their life choices, what they say/do, how they act towards me or others, what people post pictures or notes of and many other things that I could sit back, look at them or whatever they were doing and think, "WHAT are they thinking???" But I don't. It's frustrating to realize that while I am not a judgemental person (unless pushed) that others around me seem to be constantly judging me.
I was at a birthday party a couple of weeks ago with a friend. As we drove away afterwards, I commented to her, "I'm probably being talked about." I said it very matter-of-factly... I knew that some of the people that were there weren't going to have anything nice to say about me. Honestly, in the past it would have bothered me but I have come to realize that those people who choose to talk about me behind my back are those who aren't worth my time or energy. It bothers me to think that some of the people I consider "friends" do that to me and I don't do or say anything to stop them. But, because of the way I have been raised, I am more likely to be a doormat than to stand up for myself. Or, that's how it USED to be.
So, sometimes I feel as though I am invisible. I have to admit, I prefer it. When it’s a “you’re part of this group and you fit in so we know you’re here even if it doesn’t seem like it” it’s fine. When it’s “you’re not important enough to acknowledge” that it bothers me. When I was growing up, I was “one of the guys” and I liked that role because it didn’t matter what I wore, who was around, or whatever, because in the long run, I was one of the group and that’s what mattered. I miss times like that sometimes… I have an awesome group of friends for the most part. I have some friends that tend to only talk to me or hang out with me when it is beneficial to them. They treat me as though I am ok to spend time with when others are busy, they need a ride, or something done then they call me.
I'm done. I hate being judged and OF COURSE I care what my friends think. But, instead of people talking to me, they slander me in a public forum and expect I'll never hear about it. As for the doormat aspect of my personality, I'm done with it. If you don't like something I have said or done over time, I would rather know about it. But for the time being, I'm going to stand up for myself and screw anyone who doesn't like it.
Oh, and for those of you who felt it was okay to slander me in some way, know that I won't soon forget but I won't do anything to retaliate because it's not who I am. As for other comments made on things such as Facebook and Nexopia, I LOVE that I post many of the same things as my friends do (because I answered a few and then put them on mine so others can do the same) and I'm not "acting my age." I'm sorry I'm not 40 but when you hang out with a group of people that is 16-26, sometimes you post "juvenile" things and people are welcome to comment about them, APPROPRIATELY. If someone isn't sure of what that means, maybe you should think about what would bother you if it was a comment on your page.
Oh... For the record, for anyone who is going to continue sending me stupid forward's after I have asked you to stop, I will not be receiving any messages from you at all because I am blocking your e-mail address.
And if you missed the THING September 8, you can read my talk if you want, just let me know. I'm told it gives a lot of insight into who I am and what I stand for.
