Friends...

This is a short blog... I just wanted to post a short shout out to my friends... You guys have been awesome this week... With hugs, words of support, more hugs, driving me where I need to be (I'm not driving right now, it's been a bad week and concentrating for long enough to drive between Calgary and Lethbridge wasn't going to be happening as many times as I was going to need to), hanging out when I need company, hugs, shoulders to cry on, ears to listen, coming to listen to my concert, offering to help my mom out as needed and just generally being there for me... You guys are awesome! Thank you for everything!

Heartsick...

So Monday my mom called and told me she was coming down to visit. This isn't that abnormal as she is currently off on Spring Break and when she had time off, she comes to visit us quite frequently. My brother was going to drive the van back to her so he could pick up his "new" car (it's new to him) and then drive it back down here. She was going to follow him. So far, nothing majorly odd about this. So, I spent most of the day working on my final theory project. That night, Ash and I went to BP's to grab dinner and compare notes. I met up with my mom around 9:30 (it took them 4 HOURS to get here!!!) and then we came home and I made tea and we watied for John to come back. Mom was asking me all kinds of weird questions about my project that is due today (I am going to shower and go hand it in on my way out of town) and what my Friday and Saturday are looking like and so on... I thought they were strange questions but I showed her what I have been working on and when John got home, Holly went to his room and the three of us sat down in the living room. Mom said she didn't know where to start... I asked "what's wrong? Did something happen to Grandma?" and she nodded... "She..." my mom nodded again... John and I both cried... Holly came out and gave us all hugs... We spent the next few hours sitting and talking about nothing of major note... I called a few friends, we sorted pictures from Mom's birthday and figured out that Saturday is better for the funeral as I have a concert that is my "final exam" for orchestra on Friday night and it will be easier to get through that first.

I'm still not sure how to react... 6 weeks ago, I didn't know. Now, I'm still not sure. My heart hurts. I'm not sure how else to explain it.

I have so many good memories of my grandparents... One of my favourites was always sleeping over at their house and we would go out to a movie and then to Luigi's for dinner (they have THE BEST pizza and pasta!) and then home to sleep. My grandma would rub my back and talk me to sleep... ("Your arms are getting sleepy.... your legs are getting heavy...") and I would sleep and dream... It's a long time ago. They were always the people I could call if I needed something, the place I could go if I needed somewhere to be...

My grandma has been sick for a while, about a year a half... But all in all, she still generally rememeber who I was (she had dementia) and we would sit and chat...

I don't think it has fully hit me yet... My mom wants me to sing this weekend, I'm still undecided... And I don't think it has hit her yet...

We talked about it and we said, it's like she just gave up...

But my grandparents are together again, and that will make them both happy so that's good...

Lyrics...

Lyrics... The great thing about song lyrics is that they speak to everyone on a different level... Some songs speak to my heart, others to my mind, some to my soul. Right now, my heart hurts. I need a hug... (actually, more like, I need a cuddle but whatever....) I am SO frustrated. These are some lyrics that I love... for different reasons...

"You're Beautiful" by James Blunt

My life is brilliant

My love is pure

I saw an angel

Of that I'm sure

She smiled at me on the subway

She was with another man

But I won't lose no sleep on that

'Cause I've got a plan

You're beautiful, You're beautiful,

You're beautiful, it's true

I saw your face in a crowded place

And I don't know what to do

'Cause I'll never be with you

Yes she caught my eye

As we walked on by

She could see from my face that I was flying high

And I don't think that I'll see her again

But we shared a moment that will last 'til the end

You're beautiful, You're beautiful,

You're beautiful, it's true

I saw your face in a crowded place

And I don't know what to do

'Cause I'll never be with you

da da da da...

You're beautiful, You're beautiful,

You're beautiful, it's true

There must be an angel with a smile on her face

When she thought up that I should be with you

But it's time to face the truth

I will never be with you

This song honestly makes me a little sad... But it is a beautiful song... (no pun intended) It's one that is kind of wistful and sappy... If you listen to it, you don't necessarily always catch the lyrics... If you read the lyrics, the song is sadder than you would think...

"Meet With Me" by Petra

I'm here to meet with you

Come and meet with me

I'm here to find you

Reveal yourself to me

(Chorus)

As I wait, you make me strong

As I long, you draw me to your arms

As I stand and sing your praise

You come, you come, and you fill this place

Won't you come, won't you come, and fill this place

I can find peace in this song... I have sung it standing, sitting, lying down... With my hands raised high or cupped in front of me... With tears streaming down my face or with a strong voice and a big smile on my face... It has made me happy when I was feeling down and calmed my heart when I was feeling troubled.

"Sweet Embrace" by Ten Shekel Shirt

When I'm faithless, You are faithful

When I'm lonely, You surround me

And when I am empty, You drown me in your sweet embrace

And when I am broken, You come restore my joy again

(chorus)

la-la-la Hey la-la

la-la-la I sing for You

la-la-la Hey la-la

To demonstrate my love for You

When I'm far away, then You draw me

When I am afraid, You surround me

And when I am empty, You drown me in Your sweet embrace

And when I am broken, You come restore my joy again

I have memories of jumping up and down to this one and dancing. It makes me smile and makes me want to dance... It is a "happy-up-jumpy-dancing-song" and I love it for that reason... I have also been curled up in a ball praying while this song has been playing but the song has kept the energy level in the room up... This song is powerful...

"Dirty" by Audio Adrenaline

Tired of being clean

sick of being proper

I want to live among the beggers

and dig out in the dirt

step outside the walls we built to protect us

don't be afraid to get some mud on your face

come on come on everybody

come on come on and serve some one

Let's get dirty, let's get used,

no matter where you come from,

if your beatten up or bruised,

let's get foolish, let's get free,

free to be the one thing,

you were meant to be,

let's get dirty!

You might get a bruise

or some blisters on your fingers

you might start to question

or wonder what it's worth

you might slip and fall

from the burdens that you carry

but you can't have this treasure

till you dig it from the dirt.

Come on Come on everybody,

Come on Come on and serve someone

Let's get dirty, let's get used,

no matter where you come from,

if your beaten up or brused,

let's get foolish, let's get free,

free to be the one thing,

you were meant to be,

Let's get dirty!

Come on Come on everybody

Come on Come on and serve someone

Come on Come on everybody

Come on Come on and serve someone

Let's get dirty, let's get used,

no matter where you come from,

if your beatten up or bruised,

let's get foolish, let's get free,

free to be the one thing,

you were meant to be,

Let's get dirty!

I love this song for many reasons... It was the theme song my first summer at camp. I gave a talk at THING about Getting Dirty (I still have it around somewhere if anyone wants to read it) and used this song as an example.. It makes me think of doing God's work even if it's not always what you pictured yourself doing and having fun doing it because of the upbeat nature of the song... There are other reasons but I'll leave it at these for now...

Unashamed Love by Ten Shekel Shirt

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day

To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place

Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours

I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth

Worthy, You are worthy

(chorus)

Of a child-like faith

And of my honest praise

And of my unashamed love

Of a holy life

And of my sacrifice

And of my unashamed love

The first time I heard this song, I cried... It spoke to me on SO many levels... Honestly, reading the lyrics right now, I'm tearing up... I have this song on CD and I listen to it when I am feeling down and I feel SO connected to God when I do... It's incredible. I think that while it speaks of an established connection to God, it can also speak of incredible promise of things to come with the trust we put in Him...

"She's In Love With The Boy" by Trisha Yearwood

Katie's sitting on the old front porch

Watching the chickens peck the ground

There ain't a whole lot going on tonight

In this one horse town.

Over yonder, coming up the road

In a beat-up Chevy truck

Her boyfriend Tommy, is laying on the horn

Splashing through the mud and the muck

Her daddy says, "he ain't worth a lick

When it comes to brains, he got the short end of the stick"

But Katie's young and man she just don't care

She'd follow Tommy anywhere

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

And even if they have to run away

She's gonna marry that boy someday

Katie and Tommy at the drive-in movie

Parked in the very last row

They're too busy holding on to one another

To even care about the show

But later on outside the Tastee Freeze,

Tommy slips something on her hand

He says, "my high school ring will have to do

Till I can buy a wedding band"

Her daddy says, "he ain't worth a lick

When it comes to brains, he got the short end of the stick"

But Katie's young and man she just don't care

She'd follow Tommy anywhere

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

And even if they have to run away

She's gonna marry that boy someday

Her daddy's waiting up till half past twelve

When they come sneaking up the walk

He says, "young lady get on up to your room

While me and junior have a talk"

Mama breaks in and says, "don't lose your temper

It wasn't very long ago

When you yourself was just a hay-seed plowboy

Who didn't have a row to hoe,

My daddy said you was not worth a lick

When it came to brains, you got the short end of the stick

But he was wrong and honey you are too

Katie looks at Tommy like I still look at you"

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

What's meant to be will always find a way

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

She's in love with the boy

What's meant to be will always find a way

She's gonna marry that boy someday.

Now, that was something COMPLETELY different... That song takes me back to my "roots"... I grew up listening to a lot of country... In my dad's vehicles it was always country, in my mom's it was oldies or occasionally country. I love this song because it speaks of love, hopefulness, longevity of relationships and perseverance. It's a cute song with a sweet message... I sing this song at karaoke sometimes... The first time I sang it was at the request of a friend... Now, it brings back good memoreis fo that friendship but it's also a song that could give you hope for the future if you let it... (I'm not that fanciful right now...)

"If I Had A Hammer" by Peter, Paul and Mary

If I had a hammer,

I'd hammer in the morning

I'd hammer in the evening,

All over this land

I'd hammer out danger,

I'd hammer out a warning,

I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters,

All over this land.

If I had a bell,

I'd ring it in the morning,

I'd ring it in the evening,

All over this land

I'd ring out danger,

I'd ring out a warning

I'd ring out love between my brothers and my sisters,

All over this land.

If I had a song,

I'd sing it in the morning,

I'd sing it in the evening,

All over this land

I'd sing out danger,

I'd sing out a warning

I'd sing out love between my brothers and my sisters,

All over this land.

Well I got a hammer,

And I got a bell,

And I got a song to sing,

all over this land.

It's the hammer of Justice,

It's the bell of Freedom,

It's the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,

All over this land.

It's the hammer of Justice,

It's the bell of Freedom,

It's the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,

All over this land.

When this song was written it was a "protest song"... but by the time I was born and around to listen to it, I just liked the harmonies and the melody of Mary as she sang. It's a great song and I love the line specifically about "love between my brothers and my sisters" that is repeated throughout the song. The entire song is about justice, freedom and love... It's a great message and one that even today, we don't hear very often...

Ok, I'm done, that was a lot of thinking... I was trying to put together a list of songs that have lyrics that mean something to me and have influenced my life recently, which these all have... My problem is, I have a lot of other things on my mind which are serving as distractions... For now, I'm going to go back to doing homework and ignoring those other things. ;) I will write more another day! If anyone actually read this... I hope you enjoyed the lyrics and what they mean to me!

Not sure.

I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore. Meh. Whatever. *shrug*

I write my blog because I need to get my thoughts out. I know other people who do it for the same reason. When I am in Lethbridge full-time I don't have a support system like the one I have in Calgary (my family and friends) to talk to and work my thoughts and feelings out with so I tend to write more when I am here more...

This weekend I was in the Bridge Friday night (I stayed home and did homework... man, it was exciting... *rolling eyes*) and then we went on "Orchestra Tour" to Medicine Hat.

We left Saturday at 1ish and got back in the last couple of hours. It was ok... We were originally supposed to go to Regina and we figured that while it may slightly suck, it should be ok... But when it turned out to only be 24 hours (or so...) I know a lot of us weren't too impressed. We only had one concert which was the part that kind of sucked... The concert went incredibly well though!!! :D

I was sad to miss THING and not get to go to church this morning but I figure that I will make up for it later this week.

I have to admit, I'm exhausted... I find it hard to travel and spend one night anywhere right now... I'll be doing it a lot in the next little while.

Last night was fun though... A lot of people went out to the bar or to the liquor store (or both) and did whatever from there... A few of us went across the street from the hotel to Tim Horton's and hung out there for a while. (Carrie, Richelle, Deanna, Christina, Matt and I.) We sat and chatted, random people joined us (Cathy and Julie, Erin and Ross, etc.) and eventually we went back to the hotel. Carrie and I stayed up and watched "Mr. Holland's Opus" and then went to sleep. I woke up a bnch of times in the night... The people coming in and out of the hotel were being pretty loud... I am glad to be home. (Or at least not on the road.)

For now, I'm done... I'm having issues typing... I'm going to go sleep for a bit and then I have homework to work on.

I'm going to reach for rest and strength... *almost passing out*