Ok, so lately I haven't been doing a lot of chatting. I have spent a lot of time on Nexopia, but less and less time on MSN. Mainly because I am not in the mood to share how I am feeling with a bunch of people who don't care. I'm not saying that everyone doesn't care but other people have their own stuff to deal with and they don't need my crap on top of everything else. Even talking to my mom has been difficult lately... She tries to relate to anything I tell her and say she understands but I feel like sometimes, her "understanding" is more like her blowing me off and that hurts. I know it's not intended that way and that she is going through a rough time and I am trying to be here for her but like she doesn't "get" me, I don't feel like I completely "get" her...
Anyway... this week has had it's ups and downs and I have had emotional highs and lows... I've laughed and cried... I've wanted to scream... but I've sat silently... It's been hard. I've had some good friends backing me up. And people I had never expected to be there for me lend support as well. Holly and I went to a movie this week. ("Brokeback Mountain") I got to talking to some random people online and made a couple of new friends. I started talking to a guy named Dan, his friend Ashley and her bf Derek. They are from Calgary and Edmonton respectively and seem really nice. Normal even. I'm not the type of person to meet people online and then meet up with them in person but I may go for drinks with them sometime. I talked to Shaun on MSN today about going with me and he said he would. :) We have talked a lot in the past few days about a lot of things and it is weird because I feel pretty comfortable talking to them... I'm not normally like that with people I don't know. I am still being pretty guarded but I am alwaysup to meeting new friends so we will see what happens.
Today is Matt's 21st Birthday! I called him to wish him Happy Birthday and then told him over MSN that he is officially old. He said he thinks 21 was when I started saying I was old so that would fit. :) I bugged him a bit more about it but it was all in good fun... I wonder when a group of us are going to go to Vegas now??? We are all of age... (well, for the most part... :P)
Otherwise, today was kind of amusing... My alarm didn't go off this morning when it was supposed to so I woke up about 15 minutes before the END of my first class... I was like "holy s***" and text messaged Ashleigh and she called me when she was done history to tell me she was pretty sure my History class was cancelled (different prof's) so I went online and checked my e-mail and sure enough, no class! So my history class was cancelled AND my world rhythm class as well! (that prof is out of town on tour!) So, I took my time and had a leisurely shower, checked my e-mail and nex and such and then drove through Starbucks (ok, not "fast food" but I'm sure it's not great for me either in the long run... although, how bad skim steamed milk or lemonade blended with ice could be, I don't know...) then I went to the U and did some running around (not literally, my knee is killing me) and then went to Orchestra. I ignored French-boy because I am going to shove that clarinet of his somewhere the son doesn't shine if he keeps being so dumb and Carrie and I spent most of the rehearsal talking... (oops!) But it was mainly about the music (I swear!) and rehearsal flew by!
I got home in time to talk to Dan for a few before he went out to babysit for some friends and then had something to eat and had a bath and watched "Elizabethtown" while I did musical analysis. Now, I am going to finish the musical analysis and go to bed pretty early. I need to get some sleep as it sounds like this weekend is going to be a busy one. :)
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Laurel tagged me when she did this a few days ago so I should probably do this... :)
Four Jobs You Have Had In Your Life:
1. Telemarketer.
2. Concession Stand Worker.
3. Swimming Instructor.
4. Retail Cashier/Copy Center Associate.
Four movies you could watch over and over again (not to be confused with favourite movies):
1. 10 Things I Hate About You
2. Clueless
3. My Bestfriend's Wedding
4.
Four TV shows you love(d) to watch:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. One Tree Hill
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Desperate Housewives
Four places you've lived:
1. My parents house in NE Calgary
2. My grandparents house in NW Calgary
3. My cousins house in Cochrane
4. My apartment in Lethbridge
Four places you've been on vacation to:
1. Europe (Scotland and England to be exact...)
2. The Maritimes (Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and P.E.I.)
3. The states (all over the Northern States and all down the West Coast)
4. B.C. - Grand Forks at our "vacation" house
Four places you would rather be:
1. Somewhere with my friends
2. Australia...
3. Somewhere warm (Hawaii, Caribbean...)
4. Sleeping
Four of your favourite foods:
1. Spaghetti
2. Caesar Salad
3. Apple Crumble
4. Vanilla Steamed Milk
Four websites you visit daily:
1. www.hotmail.com
2. blogger.com
3. www.nexopia.com
4. webmail.uleth.ca
Four tagged:
I don't think 4 people even read this... and who potentially might read it probably already have been tagged. *sigh*
1. Ben
2. Shaun
3. Matt
4. Taryn
To end this, my day has been interesting... After the emotional upheaval of yesterday, I woke up this morning and wasn't feeling much better... I didn't go to school this morning, my eyes were basically glued shut (I know... ewwwww...) and it took me a while to get going. I called Ash and she knew I wasn't going to be there and almost immediately after I got off the phone, Ben called to say "hi" and see how I was. I thought it was nice of him to call. When I got to school for my afternoon class I realized I had my music for orchestra but not my clarinet... Shoot. So I called John and he was being a dork about bringing it over so I ran into my history class late and upset... I told the leaders of my section that I am having a rough week and that my clarinet was at home and they told me that they know I know my part and they aren't worried about me so I should just go home, not freak, chill and they will see me tomorrow in class and Thursday in Orchestra. *woosh* went the air as I breathed out after talking to them... I was trying really hard not to cry and they were so nice... Sarah even gave me a hug and told me that if I need to talk to come find her... I don't know that I would but it's a nice offer... I got to be one of the drummers during my African drumming class and my hands were numb by the end of it... Ash and I were tlaking about why I had been upset yesterday and I told her about a lot of it, as well as about a friend that I miss talking to... She thought I meant Will... I clarified and she was surprised but then realized that at this time last year, Will and I hadn't even started dating, so while we talked, it was more of a "hanging out" than a "baring the soul" friendship. After class, I came home and John and I got Little Caesars Hot and Ready for dinner and then I went and picked up some milk and juice at Safeway and rented a few DVD's at Blockbuster (Just Like Heaven, In Her Shoes, Elizabethtown and Waiting) and stopped at Starbucks for a Vanilla Creme (yay for gift cards...) and then came home and have been watching movies since. In the last few minutes I got a text message from Holly asking if I want to go see a movie tomorrow night... We are going to go see the "gay cowboy movie" or "Brokeback Mountain" (Heath Ledger... :D) tomorrow night once she is done ringette. She is a nice person and I am glad my brother has found someone like her. Last night she sent me a message over Nex saying that she "luffs me"... It was nice of her. She also said that she was going to call to talk to me when John told her I was upset but figured I might need space. I am glad she didn't push, I'm not sure if I wanted to talk or not when she would have been calling... It was a long night... Speaking of which, I need sleep so off to bed I go...
Four Jobs You Have Had In Your Life:
1. Telemarketer.
2. Concession Stand Worker.
3. Swimming Instructor.
4. Retail Cashier/Copy Center Associate.
Four movies you could watch over and over again (not to be confused with favourite movies):
1. 10 Things I Hate About You
2. Clueless
3. My Bestfriend's Wedding
4.
Four TV shows you love(d) to watch:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. One Tree Hill
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Desperate Housewives
Four places you've lived:
1. My parents house in NE Calgary
2. My grandparents house in NW Calgary
3. My cousins house in Cochrane
4. My apartment in Lethbridge
Four places you've been on vacation to:
1. Europe (Scotland and England to be exact...)
2. The Maritimes (Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and P.E.I.)
3. The states (all over the Northern States and all down the West Coast)
4. B.C. - Grand Forks at our "vacation" house
Four places you would rather be:
1. Somewhere with my friends
2. Australia...
3. Somewhere warm (Hawaii, Caribbean...)
4. Sleeping
Four of your favourite foods:
1. Spaghetti
2. Caesar Salad
3. Apple Crumble
4. Vanilla Steamed Milk
Four websites you visit daily:
1. www.hotmail.com
2. blogger.com
3. www.nexopia.com
4. webmail.uleth.ca
Four tagged:
I don't think 4 people even read this... and who potentially might read it probably already have been tagged. *sigh*
1. Ben
2. Shaun
3. Matt
4. Taryn
To end this, my day has been interesting... After the emotional upheaval of yesterday, I woke up this morning and wasn't feeling much better... I didn't go to school this morning, my eyes were basically glued shut (I know... ewwwww...) and it took me a while to get going. I called Ash and she knew I wasn't going to be there and almost immediately after I got off the phone, Ben called to say "hi" and see how I was. I thought it was nice of him to call. When I got to school for my afternoon class I realized I had my music for orchestra but not my clarinet... Shoot. So I called John and he was being a dork about bringing it over so I ran into my history class late and upset... I told the leaders of my section that I am having a rough week and that my clarinet was at home and they told me that they know I know my part and they aren't worried about me so I should just go home, not freak, chill and they will see me tomorrow in class and Thursday in Orchestra. *woosh* went the air as I breathed out after talking to them... I was trying really hard not to cry and they were so nice... Sarah even gave me a hug and told me that if I need to talk to come find her... I don't know that I would but it's a nice offer... I got to be one of the drummers during my African drumming class and my hands were numb by the end of it... Ash and I were tlaking about why I had been upset yesterday and I told her about a lot of it, as well as about a friend that I miss talking to... She thought I meant Will... I clarified and she was surprised but then realized that at this time last year, Will and I hadn't even started dating, so while we talked, it was more of a "hanging out" than a "baring the soul" friendship. After class, I came home and John and I got Little Caesars Hot and Ready for dinner and then I went and picked up some milk and juice at Safeway and rented a few DVD's at Blockbuster (Just Like Heaven, In Her Shoes, Elizabethtown and Waiting) and stopped at Starbucks for a Vanilla Creme (yay for gift cards...) and then came home and have been watching movies since. In the last few minutes I got a text message from Holly asking if I want to go see a movie tomorrow night... We are going to go see the "gay cowboy movie" or "Brokeback Mountain" (Heath Ledger... :D) tomorrow night once she is done ringette. She is a nice person and I am glad my brother has found someone like her. Last night she sent me a message over Nex saying that she "luffs me"... It was nice of her. She also said that she was going to call to talk to me when John told her I was upset but figured I might need space. I am glad she didn't push, I'm not sure if I wanted to talk or not when she would have been calling... It was a long night... Speaking of which, I need sleep so off to bed I go...
Something Random...
I stole this from Laurel's blog who got it from Carol's but I also got it by e-mail from Shannon as well!
You are supposed to copy and paste the list and then bold anything that is true about you!
Some of them are pretty graphic, so read at your own risk.
Here I go!
I hate my name. - I used to anyway, now I don't mind it so much.
I miss somebody right now. - My friends and family who aren't here...
I watch less tv than I used to. - Only because I am never home when the good shows are on but I tape some of the ones I really like.
I love olives. - I prefer black to green...
I love sleeping. - I never get enough sleep though...
I own a lot of books. - probably the definition of "a lot" is less than half of my collection. :)
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games. - Some, depends, mainly ones like tetris, etc.
I believe honesty is the best policy.
I like and respect Al Sharpton. - Should I know who this is?
I curse a lot. - I try not to but sometimes I slip...
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I have a hobby.
I carry my knife/razor everywheres with me. - No, why would I?
I've never broken anyone else's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I love rain. - True on days when I have time to go walking in it, especially if it's a warm rain...
I'm REALLY paranoid. - About some things...
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. - Unfortunately... Yes...
I need money right now. - I don't know about "needing" it exactly but it would make my life a whole lot easier right about now...
I love sushi.
I talk really fast when I get excited/nervous. - Or all the time... I try to slow down though, I know it throws people off.
I have minty fresh breath in the morning.
I have semi-long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one brother and/or sister.
I was born outside of Canada.
I shave my legs.
I have a twin.
I am actually wasting time doing this thing.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. - I probably could but it would be tough...
I like the way I look most of the time. - Actually more and more lately... I have been caring less and less what others think and because of that, I tend to end up liking how I look when I do care...
I have friends.
I know how to do cornrows.
I am very pessimistic. - Sometimes, I try to be positive!
I have mood swings. - Sometimes, not something I can always control. :(
I think Britney Spears is hot.
I have cheated on a significant other.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I think that I'm popular.
I have dyed my hair.
I have kissed someone of the same sex. - 18th birthday party... nuf said.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. - At home...
I love to shop. - I would like this more if I had money. (I agree with Laurel.)
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm obsessed with my blog! - Only slightly...
I don't hate anyone.
I'm embarrassed to be seen with my mother. - Never!
I have a mobile phone. - YAY FOR CELL PHONES!
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have never been in a real, serious relationship before.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently have a crush on someone. - I'm not telling...
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. - Sometimes...
I want to have children in the future.
I've had the cops called on me before.
I bite my nails. - Especially when I am nervous or bored.
I've been depressed before.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I'm sad. - Sometimes...
I open up to others easily. - Depends on the situation...
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I like Disney movies.
I am a sucker for pretty eyes. - On guys especially...
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
I love Martha Stewart.
I really like someone.
I am self conscious.
I like to laugh a lot.
I smoke a pack a day.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I have scars. - Mainly on my knees and elbows from when I was younger...
I've been out of this country.
I am really ticklish. - Only in specific places and only a few people know where...
I love chocolate.
I am comfortable with being me. - Sometimes...
I play computer games/video games when I'm bored. - Sometimes...
Gotten lost in a big city. - Seattle once and Vancouver once... and L.A. with my parents once... We ended up at this McD's in a really scary part of L.A. and it was bad...
Saw a shooting star. - At camp...
I had serious surgery. - Widom teeth not included...
Hugged a stranger. - If you know me, you shouldn't even have to ask...
Been in a fist fight with the same sex.
Been arrested.
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose. - And juice, and water, an jell-o and ice cream... If it's liquid in some form, it probably came out of my nose at some point...
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents. - Unfortunately...
Kicked a guy where it hurts. - In Junior High...
Been skydiving.
Been bungee jumping.
Broken a bone. - When I was 6, I broke my leg...
Played spin the bottle. - In Junior High...
Gotten the chicken pox. - When I was really little...
Ridden in a taxi. - In Calgary, Lethbridge, Edmonton, and Europe while I was there...
Shoplifted. - Unfortunately yes, I walked out once with a pack of gum in my hand inadvertantly... I went back and paid for it later...
Been fired. - Yup, see two below this one...
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. - Unfortunately...
Stole something from your job. - I sent a fax once and told my boss I would pay for it the next day and she said it was fine... The manager the next day siad it was theft and "let me go"... *rolling eyes*
Had a crush on a coach. - Wasn't my coach, was one of the coaches at my H.S. An assistant coach actually...
Saw someone/something dying. - My grandpa when I was really young (9, I think) and my cat when I was about 11...
Been on a plane. - I LOVE to fly!!!
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Thrown up in a bar.
Eaten Sushi.
Met someone in person from the internet. - In high school... we met in public and each brought a friend. Turns out he went to H.S. with some of my friends but it was a weird coincidence that we met online...
Been to a motorcross show.
Done hard drugs.
Taken painkillers. - For my knee and my back...
Saw Bucks Fizz in concert.
Consumed alcohol.
Run away from home. - I ran to my grandparent's house.
Lied to your parents about where you are. - My mom generally knew where I was, my dad was generally clueless...
Own an iPod. - It's a mini but it's good. :)
Are a sports fanatic.
Would wear pyjamas to school. - I have in University...
Had a job.
Been in love. - Or thought I was...
Eat fast food weekly.
Have self-inflicted scars. - Guides, hot glue gun... And bicycles at the end of grade 6...
Believe in ghosts.
Can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
Seen a therapist.
Love white chocolate. - I'm a dark chocolate kind of girl...
Single.
In a relationship.
Kissed a stranger. - We were "related" distantly and it was on the cheek (it was an "auntie").
Been obsessed with another person.
Argued for the fun of it. - Not fun for me, for for the other person apparently...
Made out in a moving vehicle.
Been to a casino. - Worked one for John's band in H.S. and my choir at M.R.C. as well as going with Kristyn one time...
Been in a bar.
Skipped school.
Been punched.
Been naked in public.
Come close to death.
Gotten stitches. - Wisdom teeth...
Bitten someone.
Crashed into a friend's car.
Been to Japan.
Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Slept with someone you shouldn’t have.
Been married.
I believe everything happens for a reason.
Had someone cheat on you.
Over dosed.
Have hated your life. - Sometimes!
Have no one who cares. - Feels like it sometimes...
Like Monty Python.
You are supposed to copy and paste the list and then bold anything that is true about you!
Some of them are pretty graphic, so read at your own risk.
Here I go!
I hate my name. - I used to anyway, now I don't mind it so much.
I miss somebody right now. - My friends and family who aren't here...
I watch less tv than I used to. - Only because I am never home when the good shows are on but I tape some of the ones I really like.
I love olives. - I prefer black to green...
I love sleeping. - I never get enough sleep though...
I own a lot of books. - probably the definition of "a lot" is less than half of my collection. :)
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games. - Some, depends, mainly ones like tetris, etc.
I believe honesty is the best policy.
I like and respect Al Sharpton. - Should I know who this is?
I curse a lot. - I try not to but sometimes I slip...
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I have a hobby.
I carry my knife/razor everywheres with me. - No, why would I?
I've never broken anyone else's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I love rain. - True on days when I have time to go walking in it, especially if it's a warm rain...
I'm REALLY paranoid. - About some things...
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. - Unfortunately... Yes...
I need money right now. - I don't know about "needing" it exactly but it would make my life a whole lot easier right about now...
I love sushi.
I talk really fast when I get excited/nervous. - Or all the time... I try to slow down though, I know it throws people off.
I have minty fresh breath in the morning.
I have semi-long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one brother and/or sister.
I was born outside of Canada.
I shave my legs.
I have a twin.
I am actually wasting time doing this thing.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. - I probably could but it would be tough...
I like the way I look most of the time. - Actually more and more lately... I have been caring less and less what others think and because of that, I tend to end up liking how I look when I do care...
I have friends.
I know how to do cornrows.
I am very pessimistic. - Sometimes, I try to be positive!
I have mood swings. - Sometimes, not something I can always control. :(
I think Britney Spears is hot.
I have cheated on a significant other.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I think that I'm popular.
I have dyed my hair.
I have kissed someone of the same sex. - 18th birthday party... nuf said.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. - At home...
I love to shop. - I would like this more if I had money. (I agree with Laurel.)
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm obsessed with my blog! - Only slightly...
I don't hate anyone.
I'm embarrassed to be seen with my mother. - Never!
I have a mobile phone. - YAY FOR CELL PHONES!
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have never been in a real, serious relationship before.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently have a crush on someone. - I'm not telling...
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. - Sometimes...
I want to have children in the future.
I've had the cops called on me before.
I bite my nails. - Especially when I am nervous or bored.
I've been depressed before.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I'm sad. - Sometimes...
I open up to others easily. - Depends on the situation...
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I like Disney movies.
I am a sucker for pretty eyes. - On guys especially...
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
I love Martha Stewart.
I really like someone.
I am self conscious.
I like to laugh a lot.
I smoke a pack a day.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I have scars. - Mainly on my knees and elbows from when I was younger...
I've been out of this country.
I am really ticklish. - Only in specific places and only a few people know where...
I love chocolate.
I am comfortable with being me. - Sometimes...
I play computer games/video games when I'm bored. - Sometimes...
Gotten lost in a big city. - Seattle once and Vancouver once... and L.A. with my parents once... We ended up at this McD's in a really scary part of L.A. and it was bad...
Saw a shooting star. - At camp...
I had serious surgery. - Widom teeth not included...
Hugged a stranger. - If you know me, you shouldn't even have to ask...
Been in a fist fight with the same sex.
Been arrested.
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose. - And juice, and water, an jell-o and ice cream... If it's liquid in some form, it probably came out of my nose at some point...
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents. - Unfortunately...
Kicked a guy where it hurts. - In Junior High...
Been skydiving.
Been bungee jumping.
Broken a bone. - When I was 6, I broke my leg...
Played spin the bottle. - In Junior High...
Gotten the chicken pox. - When I was really little...
Ridden in a taxi. - In Calgary, Lethbridge, Edmonton, and Europe while I was there...
Shoplifted. - Unfortunately yes, I walked out once with a pack of gum in my hand inadvertantly... I went back and paid for it later...
Been fired. - Yup, see two below this one...
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. - Unfortunately...
Stole something from your job. - I sent a fax once and told my boss I would pay for it the next day and she said it was fine... The manager the next day siad it was theft and "let me go"... *rolling eyes*
Had a crush on a coach. - Wasn't my coach, was one of the coaches at my H.S. An assistant coach actually...
Saw someone/something dying. - My grandpa when I was really young (9, I think) and my cat when I was about 11...
Been on a plane. - I LOVE to fly!!!
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Thrown up in a bar.
Eaten Sushi.
Met someone in person from the internet. - In high school... we met in public and each brought a friend. Turns out he went to H.S. with some of my friends but it was a weird coincidence that we met online...
Been to a motorcross show.
Done hard drugs.
Taken painkillers. - For my knee and my back...
Saw Bucks Fizz in concert.
Consumed alcohol.
Run away from home. - I ran to my grandparent's house.
Lied to your parents about where you are. - My mom generally knew where I was, my dad was generally clueless...
Own an iPod. - It's a mini but it's good. :)
Are a sports fanatic.
Would wear pyjamas to school. - I have in University...
Had a job.
Been in love. - Or thought I was...
Eat fast food weekly.
Have self-inflicted scars. - Guides, hot glue gun... And bicycles at the end of grade 6...
Believe in ghosts.
Can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
Seen a therapist.
Love white chocolate. - I'm a dark chocolate kind of girl...
Single.
In a relationship.
Kissed a stranger. - We were "related" distantly and it was on the cheek (it was an "auntie").
Been obsessed with another person.
Argued for the fun of it. - Not fun for me, for for the other person apparently...
Made out in a moving vehicle.
Been to a casino. - Worked one for John's band in H.S. and my choir at M.R.C. as well as going with Kristyn one time...
Been in a bar.
Skipped school.
Been punched.
Been naked in public.
Come close to death.
Gotten stitches. - Wisdom teeth...
Bitten someone.
Crashed into a friend's car.
Been to Japan.
Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Slept with someone you shouldn’t have.
Been married.
I believe everything happens for a reason.
Had someone cheat on you.
Over dosed.
Have hated your life. - Sometimes!
Have no one who cares. - Feels like it sometimes...
Like Monty Python.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Emotional High to Emotional Low in 4 days...
So I went home this weekend pretty pumped... Friday night I was supposed to hang out with Laurel after spending some time at the hospital visiting my grandpa (which was good when I first got there, it was just the two of us but later, it was my mom, dad, he and I and he was really out of it...) but after my physio appointment I needed to run some errands and those tired me out so Laurel and I took a raincheck... Ben called and we ended up going to BP's for "hot dessert" and then he came over and we watched "Under the Tuscan Sun." Nice thing about it was I didn't have to drive and there was no fear of drowning if I fell asleep (Laurel and I were going to go to the winter club to sit in the hot tub)... As Ben was leaving, John was just getting home from the Cave and Ben's car (actually his brothers car) wouldn't start. He ended up crashing on the living room floor and the next morning his brother came over and when I left, they were trying to figure out what to do...
Saturday was the Steering retreat out at King's Fold... It is SO beautiful out there! I told Laurel that we should get three or four girls together and do a girl's retreat weekend out there... We should try to get the room with two beds on the main floor and two in the loft... :) At the end of the day I was supposed to meet my mom and then go to Shaun's birthday party. Well, the doctor from the nursing home called to say that they think my grandma had either broken herhip or her pelvis when she fell last week and did my mom want to go to the ER to take her for x-rays. My mom said she'd rather not as they would end up sitting for hours on end, like she did when she took my grandfather in. So my grandma is scheduled for x-rays tomorrow morning. She is on bed rest and isn't moving at all so she is fine where she is (doctor's choice...) and they are taking her over by ambulance to wherever the x-rays are being done. Mom and I had a miscommunication that night that ended in us having a huge fight and I was exhausted and upset so I stayed home and had a nap and then when I woke up, I decided to go to bed early...
Sunday, I had a massage (I was SO tense) and then my mom and I had made plans but apparently so had she and John. They went to the Roughnecks game and then were almost an hour and half late getting back. Apparently, another miscommunication, again, my fault... So, eventually, I drove back to Lethbridge, I couldn't handle anymore arguing...
Today started out uneventfully enough... John has our grandparents car this week (he was threatening not to come back unless he had a vehicle... apparently I'm "mean" and I don't let him have the car as much as he would like. Not the point...
I called and booked the room at the CWC for my mom's 50th birthday party but I need to get in touch with her friends and such and make sure that if anything happens, family-wise, in the next few weeks that I can cancel if need be... I look forward to planning this though because right now, I need a purpose or I may go stir-crazy...
Tonight I had a Rover crew meeting... It was a gong show from the beginning and people got loud and upset and when it was all said and done, I have a headache and I feel like I'm going to be sick... It started out as a few of us having a few questions and snowballed from there... It was a rough meeting and it upset me more than I already was.
Ok, so most of my friends know that my grandparents are older and ill at this point in time. My grandpa is supposed to be moving to a hospice thsi week and they have given him little time left... My grandma has been resiliant so far but she's not doing well either and if anything happens to my grandpa, I don't know what she will do... Honestly, I don't know what I will do either. I feel frustrated because I am helpless... I feel like when I go home right now I am in the way but it's as though if I don't spend some time with them now, it might be too late... I don't think I will deal well if something were to happen... On top of everything else, I'm trying to stay in touch with my friends and keep my schoolwork balanced and while neither of those are major stressors, with the other stuff family-wise that is going on, it is not good...
I realized tonight, after the meeting when I was thinking about everything that is going on (I had to tell my advisors...) I just wanted to sit and cry and have someone give me a hug or talk to someone about how I am feeling... I don't have anyone I can do that with right now... The people I have depended on in the past couldn't give a damn at this point how I am... And my friends that do care, they have a lot going on with school and work and such respectively and I don't want to be a burden... I feel like that is why I lost the friends I did... Because the burden of being my friend was too much for them and I don't want anyone feeling that way again... I think the thought that hurt the most is that the person I have considered one of my bestfriends for years would hang up on me if I called him... Also, many of the people I was friends with in HS and such would figure I'm spazzing over nothing. I feel like my immediate family unit is falling apart at the seams and there is nothing I can do to help it or fix anything... I hate this feeling and this situation... I have been praying a lot but I don't know what else I can do... :'(
Saturday was the Steering retreat out at King's Fold... It is SO beautiful out there! I told Laurel that we should get three or four girls together and do a girl's retreat weekend out there... We should try to get the room with two beds on the main floor and two in the loft... :) At the end of the day I was supposed to meet my mom and then go to Shaun's birthday party. Well, the doctor from the nursing home called to say that they think my grandma had either broken herhip or her pelvis when she fell last week and did my mom want to go to the ER to take her for x-rays. My mom said she'd rather not as they would end up sitting for hours on end, like she did when she took my grandfather in. So my grandma is scheduled for x-rays tomorrow morning. She is on bed rest and isn't moving at all so she is fine where she is (doctor's choice...) and they are taking her over by ambulance to wherever the x-rays are being done. Mom and I had a miscommunication that night that ended in us having a huge fight and I was exhausted and upset so I stayed home and had a nap and then when I woke up, I decided to go to bed early...
Sunday, I had a massage (I was SO tense) and then my mom and I had made plans but apparently so had she and John. They went to the Roughnecks game and then were almost an hour and half late getting back. Apparently, another miscommunication, again, my fault... So, eventually, I drove back to Lethbridge, I couldn't handle anymore arguing...
Today started out uneventfully enough... John has our grandparents car this week (he was threatening not to come back unless he had a vehicle... apparently I'm "mean" and I don't let him have the car as much as he would like. Not the point...
I called and booked the room at the CWC for my mom's 50th birthday party but I need to get in touch with her friends and such and make sure that if anything happens, family-wise, in the next few weeks that I can cancel if need be... I look forward to planning this though because right now, I need a purpose or I may go stir-crazy...
Tonight I had a Rover crew meeting... It was a gong show from the beginning and people got loud and upset and when it was all said and done, I have a headache and I feel like I'm going to be sick... It started out as a few of us having a few questions and snowballed from there... It was a rough meeting and it upset me more than I already was.
Ok, so most of my friends know that my grandparents are older and ill at this point in time. My grandpa is supposed to be moving to a hospice thsi week and they have given him little time left... My grandma has been resiliant so far but she's not doing well either and if anything happens to my grandpa, I don't know what she will do... Honestly, I don't know what I will do either. I feel frustrated because I am helpless... I feel like when I go home right now I am in the way but it's as though if I don't spend some time with them now, it might be too late... I don't think I will deal well if something were to happen... On top of everything else, I'm trying to stay in touch with my friends and keep my schoolwork balanced and while neither of those are major stressors, with the other stuff family-wise that is going on, it is not good...
I realized tonight, after the meeting when I was thinking about everything that is going on (I had to tell my advisors...) I just wanted to sit and cry and have someone give me a hug or talk to someone about how I am feeling... I don't have anyone I can do that with right now... The people I have depended on in the past couldn't give a damn at this point how I am... And my friends that do care, they have a lot going on with school and work and such respectively and I don't want to be a burden... I feel like that is why I lost the friends I did... Because the burden of being my friend was too much for them and I don't want anyone feeling that way again... I think the thought that hurt the most is that the person I have considered one of my bestfriends for years would hang up on me if I called him... Also, many of the people I was friends with in HS and such would figure I'm spazzing over nothing. I feel like my immediate family unit is falling apart at the seams and there is nothing I can do to help it or fix anything... I hate this feeling and this situation... I have been praying a lot but I don't know what else I can do... :'(
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