?????

Ok, I just had a phone interview and I'm not sure how I feel about how it went. I was asked some pretty tough questions. Like, how my friends would describe me... So, right now, all I can do is pray about it. I would ask that anyone reading this prays about it as well. I was told I would know by the end of March what the decision is. Oh, and part of what I had applied for was working in a worship setting but as I don't play a typical worship instrument (bass, keyboards, guitar) I'm not qualified. I think I may have to up the number of lessons on keyboard or take lessons on one of the other two... (Just thinking...)

Anyway, I'm feeling a little fragile due to a conversation I had earlier this afternoon and then the uncertainty based around this interview.

Plus, something is going on with my brother and he is acting weird (again) so prayer for him would also be good.

I'm on my way out for a bit, then back here for more homework!

Not sure what to say... :S

Ok...

I'm not even sure what to say...

I will start with the easy stuff. My mom's birthday party was great! Everyone really enjoyed themselves. We had a few people who didn't show due to weather (it was snowing pretty hard) and a few who apparently got the dates mixed up (we got a few phone messages to that effect, they thought it was on Saturday) but all in all, everyone who was there had a good time! It was cool to see some of my mom's friends and work colleagues that I haven't seen in a while! Plus, she enjoyed herself which is also good!

I have had a lot of people ask me recently if she is "really ok" and I'm not sure what to tell them. "She is as good as she can be under the circumstances." It's pretty safe to say it and then if they want to know more, they ask me or I send them in her direction. I worry about her a lot. I guess she told Ben the other night that she has worried about mke for 23 years so she guesses it's time for the tables to turn (or something to that effect).

I have been realizing lately who my true friends are. I have also realized that I don't tell them enough that I love and appreciate them. You know who you are. Thank you for all that you do.

And, family. I don't really think too much about what that word means. Sure, a group of people I am related to in some way. But I have a cousin who is more like my dad's cousin's daughter's husband who looks out for me and his wife and I are getting to be better friends all the time. Their kids are great and I love spending time with them. So, even if we are third cousins (or whatever that works out to being) we are tighter right now than I am with some of my first cousins... It's strange the way life works out.

Now, the part that I am going to have trouble writing... I am in the process of applying for jobs for the summer. Other summers this has been easy... I fill out an application or two or I already have something partially or completely lined up and I go from there. However, this year, I am feeling pulled in many directions. Specifically, I feel as though God is calling me to take a step outside of my comfortable little bubble and try something new. I have worked at Camp Chestermere the past three summers. The winters between in previous years, I have been doing schoolwork and staying in Lethbridge on weekends. This year, I said I could work the winter camps and made sure I was available as I have only been in Lethbridge maybe four weekends all year. But no one ever called me to work any of them... So, I'm not saying that I'm not welcome at camp... I have been back for numerous activities outside of the school year camps and such but... I don't know... I just don't feel as though I'm necessarily wanted. I know my campers want me there and some of the other counsellors have said they look forward to seeing and working with me but some fo the senior staff has made me feel as though I would be less than welcome. Anyway, I have applied to go back but I have also applied elsewhere. I have spiritual gifts that I haven't been having the chance to use and I want to try to have the opportunity to use them. As well, if God has put something on my heart, I generally think He has done so for a reason. So, for now, I will apply at places and see what happens... I am putting my reliance on Him because right now, I don't see any other way to go about this... It makes me nervous but I can't see any other way to do so... I have talked to a few close friends about how I feel and they are praying about it too... I'm not sure what else to do. Suffice it to say, if I feel called to take a position elsewhere. I will miss my friends and co-workers and of course my campers (my cabin girls, photojournalism peeps and dock buddies!!!). BUT... For those of you who know me or met me through there and we have become friends or even just acquaintances, if I don't go back to work there this summer, know that I won't forget you. I do want to stay friends! So, please continue to keep in touch and I will still come out and visit. Plus, who knows, I may be back sometime in the future. As well, at this point, I don't know what's going to happen so if you could all pray for me as I make decisions and apply at places, I would really appreciate it. I have brought some of my "younger siblings" out to camp and while they continue to thrive there, I feel as though I need somewhere new to spread my wings and expand my horizons... So, if I don't return, please, no one take it personally. I love you all!

I want to say more but I can't right now. I am going to go do homework, I have a big project due on Friday...