OMG... Totally not in my budget... :(

Today, I woke up not feeling well (it was also really early and I decided that I should probably sleep a little while longer) and then when I next woke up, it was to the phone ringing. It was the contact person for the Calgary Hitmen and he and I had a great conversation about a donation towards the silent auction. It turns out he knows who my mom is because they had the Hitmen out at her school sometime in the past couple of weeks playing hockey against some of the staff and students... All I did was mention my last name and he said he recognized it from somewhere. I said my mom is a principal in the CBE and he knew who is was immediately. He told me that the Hitmen would donate a voucher for 4 tickets to any home game. I was SO happy!!! It is an awesome donation!!! I ran through the shower and got pretty dressed up so I could go to the mall and talk to some of the stores about donations and then went to school...

I got to class a couple of minutes late but we hadn't started anything major yet. Dee wasn't there and that worried me a bit (I called her later, she wasn't feeling well and I'm going to send her the homework later). We did some of the 12 tone stuff that we have been working on and I think I am finally understanding it... the problem is that now we are working with pieces that have the rows mixed up and today we started hexagonal sets. I think I get this stuff and the assignment for Monday is based on stuff we have been doing all semester so it's basically a piece of cake!

Because I was running late, I had parked in the parking meters on the floor closest to where my class was. When I got out to the car, around noon, I put my laptop on the passenger seat and when to walk around to the driver's side and I noticed that the rear passenger side tire on my car was almost flat... Low enough that I could drive on it without driving on the rim but not anywhere near as full as the other 3. I called my mom and asked her if I should try to drive on it and she said it was up to me. My other option was to call AMA. So, I got into the car and I could feel that the car was sitting funny. But I started it and drove to the nearest gas station. I put some air in the tire and went to borrow their pressure guage and checked it. It was at 32 PSI and then, as I'm down on my hands and knees (wearing a skirt incidentally...) I can hear that the tire has a slow leak and appears to have a cracked sidewall. I waited 5 minutes and checked the pressure again and it was at 28... So I called Canadian Tire on the South Side of town. I get most of my automotive stuff done through there and my records for the past couple of years are there so I tend to take my car there. The guy working there (who I have had issues with the last twice I have been in) told me that he could fit me in around 1:00pm. Considering it was about 12:15, I figured that would be ok. He then went on to say that they were running three appointments behind and I said I have an appointment at 1:45 and he said otherwise he could fit me in at 4:00. I said I needed to be in Calgary by 5 and he said, "well, that's not my problem, is it?" I am on the phone and in tears because I can't figure out how I am going to get everything I wanted to done and I also didn't want to miss my doctor's appointment (I had to see him...) and I was basically freaking out. I hung up on the guy from Canadian Tire after he was so rude to me and I said, "fine, I'll figure something else out." I called AMA at that point and they told me that if I could get my running around done, get John and our stuff together, we could have the car towed to Calgary (unless I wanted to try the other Canadian Tire) but the first 160 are free because I am a CAA Plus member and after that it is between $1.75 and $2.75 per km. I choked a bit over that and said I would call Canadian Tire North first. I called and as I was still quite upset, I think the guy there took a bit of pity on me... He said they could get me in right away. I got there and they took the tire off and checked it and said they needed to replace it. I had them replace both of the back tires because they will wear unevenly and they are under warranty and it is easier to buy them in pairs than individually at this point. I was relieved after they said they could match the tires I have on the front of my car and it would only cost me the replacement warranties on the new tires, the disposal fees on the old tires and checking the old tire for the leak. I was so relieved. Until the mechanic came to get me to talk to me about the rim on one of my tires. It needs to be fixed because it is bent and it starting to crack on the inside edge... I asked about driving on it to get it back to Calgary and they didn't recommend it. I was told by the same mechanic that I could go to the wreckage yard and check for a new rim. I said, "I have to be at the doctor's... ummmm.... 5 minutes ago..." and he said something kind of inappropriate which shocked me but made me laugh and said they would get me out of there quickly so I wasn't going to be too much later. So I ended up having to buy a steel rim to put my tire on and the old rim went into a bag in my backseat to bring into the city. I need to take it to Alberta Wheel Repair tomorrow morning between 8am and noon. So, what started out as "it will be about $20 to patch it if we can patch it" turned into $105 dollars, two new tires, a new rim and the rest of my day could continue.

I made it to the doctor almost a half hour late (good thing I called to tell them I was going to be late...) and talked to him about what I needed to and got him to look at my knee. Turns out I have strained my MCL and ACL which is causing major pain to shoot through my knee and down the back of my leg. It was nice to know that my knee pains weren't "all in my head" or anything... He recommended that I go see a physiotherapist and RICE it ASAP. I am going to do my best to make it feel better because right now it is killing me.

I fonally got home and John had made KD and I don't think I have ever been that happy to eat KD. All I had "eaten" all day was a blue Gatorade and a fruit punch juice box so I was pretty hungry... John and I packed our stuff and loaded the car and drove back to Calgary. Mom kept calling to make sure we were ok and to check in. On our way in we stopped at Michael's and picked up some stuff because mom and I were going to work on our Christmas cards. We also stopped and grabbed dinner for the three of us and then we met mom at Grandma and Papa's. We ate and watched a bit of "Christmas with the Kranks" and then John left and Mom and I tried to figure out this "Waterfall" card that she wants to make for Christmas. It is realy cool but kinda complicated and I am such a perfectionist that I was getting really frustrated when it wasn't working for us. Mom commented at one point that my stamping looks like artwork while hers looks like a child's work. I disagree with that though.... I told her it's just that I am super-picky about everything I do right now. We only made one card and it wasn't working properly and it was getting later so we decided that we would make a few of the base cards and we will add the complicated parts later. She and I went to Michael's (did I mention they were having a HUGE sale?) on the way home and then stopped at Safeway and I picked up some groceries. I dropped my mom off and then went home...

Well, I intended to go home. I stopped at Brentwood to visit my friend Shaun at work (mainly to find out what time I was meeting him tomorrow) and helped him pull the stuff he was going to buy for himself. Because I helped him, he passed me off a small bottle of "Hypnotiq" that he had bought me... It was nice of him. :D

I stopped at Wendy's and got a frosty on the way home and put it in the freezer... I came down to write on here and probably won't eat it until tomorrow though. I wanted it when I bought it and now, not so much. It's kind of the story of my life right now. (No appetite and not hungry when I do have food...)

I was watching "Madagascar" and Laurel called and I talked to her for a while. It was cool to talk to her. I feel like it has been a while... Tomorrow night (technically tonight) there is WILD THING and I am really glad I am going. I realized I haven't been in almost two months. Due to the TEC weekend and then Reunion and then having to be in Lethbridge on weekends, I was at WILD THING in September and Reunion for TEC and nothing since. I miss the community... :( Tomorrow night should be great!

Busy day...

So today I decided that I would sleep in a bit and get up in time to get to class.

I guess I should mention that last night my friend Lindsay and I were chatting (via MSN and webcam... I FINALLY have a webcam!!!) and we were debating going to see if McD's was open for a midnight Ice Cream run when she said "if I get into my PJ's, as you are already in yours, why don't we just go get hot chocolate at Mac's?" So I put on a jacket and a pair of flip flops and drove to get her. Well, we get there and Will tells us they don't have hot chocolate so Lindz gets a Caramilk "hot chocolate" thingy and I have a strawberry steamer (incidentally, much better at 7-11) and we end up standing talking to Will for a few. He and I made plans to go for dinner on Sunday night because he has the night off and it give me a break from writing the essay I am planning on working on Sunday... I need to figure out where to go... Lindz told me about a great sushi place downtown but I haven't had sushi in forever so I don't even remember what I like anymore. She and I sat in my car before I dropped her off talking about random things... It was cool to see her and nice to talk about stuff that wasn't school related. So by the time I got home, it was around 2:30 and then I checked some e-mail accounts I hadn't checked in a while, updated my profile on Classmates.com and finally fell asleep, quite late.

Before history this morning, I checked my e-mail and I got an e-mail from the friend I had asked for history notes. In it, she stated that I wasn't being a very good University student and said some harsh things about my ability to be a teacher in the future. Considering she is someone I consider a pretty good friend, I was really hurt by what she said. It also bothered me because right now, I am dealing with some family stuff and last year, when she was dealing with family stuff, I was there for her and supported her and this year, it's like "suck it up and deal with it." I don't know why she has changed so much... She said that what she was writing was supposed to be a "reality check" but I feel like the "reality check" for her might be mentioning that lately she has been acting weird and what the heck is going on. Whatever... for the time being, I am focusing on school and not worrying about it.

I went to class this morning and my history prof (the one I met with yesterday) seemed more scattered than normal... His notes were out of order, he kept losing his place and he let us watch Don Giovanni for the last half hour of class. I'm not sure what is happening with him but both my friend Sheila and I were really worried about him... Sheila is going to photocopy her history notes, as my prof recommended I ask her for notes. The thing is, I read her notes today and most of the notes from the class I missed last week I already have due to the fact that my essay is based on Mozart's life and that was what he was talking about. All I need is the information on the works that he went over in class. It is way less than I thought I needed.

I went for lunch with my brother and it was ok. We went to DQ. He picked me up from class and was like, "I want a licorice shake." We got there and apparently they have discontinued licorice flavouring. He wasn't too impressed. We didn't kill each other which is positive...

One of the things I am realizing a lot of lately (this year so far but mainly in the past few weeks) is who my true friends are and what makes a friend. Someone sent me this picture that says "true friends walk in when the world walks out" and it is so true. I have some people that I don't talk to or see for weeks or months on end and yet, when we talk, it's like no time has passed. I have others that I feel as though I have to keep calling or e-mailing them and that I may be annoying them... A friend shouldn't be an annoyance and friendship should be two way. If I am putting effort into a friendship, the other person should also be putting effort in. I'm nto saying I'm a perfect friend. Not by a long shot. But I try... And I can't do more than what I am capable of right now. I know that there are some people that know more about me than others or people I knew when I was younger that I don't see anymore. I would love to get back in touch with them. Some of those people didn't understand that I am not home very often or didn't like it when I moved to Lethbridge. But, as time passes and we grow up, it would be interesting to hear what has happened with those people. Many of them are still in school or just finished. Some are married, some have kids (whether they are married or not), some have moved, some still live at home... the list is endless. I am going to a baby shower for a good friend in a week and a bit and I am really looking forward to it. We have known each other since we were 5... My brother pointed out that he has known her his entire life... That is cool but scary. 18.5 years... I have some friends that I have felt alienated by lately and I'm not really sure what happened with them. I was hoping that one day it would be explained to me but as yet, no explanation. One day, they just stopped talking to me, returning my phone calls and it was like I ceased to exist. I miss those people and while I know I can never get those friendships back to where they used to be, it would be cool to at least see/talk to those people and hear how they are doing occasionally. I just don't know how to go about that. Plus, if they are the ones who "ditched" me, are they worth my time???

This afternoon I made some more phone calls and had some great responses! I called some of the places I listed yesterday, as well as:

• The Cutting Room Floor
• Calgary Skate Shoppe

I left messages at a few places and some places gave me fax numbers or told me to come in to talk to them. I made fax cover letters for the places who wanted the letter faxed to them and John sent them for me while I was at orchestra tonight. I have to stop by St. John's, Long and McQuade, Axe, Movie Poster Shop, Vintage and Music Makers while I am home this weekend to either pick stuff up or drop off the letter. It's cool to get to meet so many people in so many different industries.

Tonight at orchestra we worked on our pieces for the concert next week. During the symphony that I love but have been struggling with certain parts on, I basically thought, "whatever, if this is going to happen, it will happen" because my fingers haven't been moving fast enough for my liking lately. I flew through the passage and was on time with correct notes/fingerings and I was so happy! Today, Carrie and I were so goofy and giggly, it was strange. We were counting rests and mouthing what number of bars we were on to each other so we knew we were in the same place (we have sections with 21 bars rest and then we play 4 bars and then 26 bars bars rest and then we play 7 bars and so on... and sometimes the meter changes so we have to pay attention to what is going on) and at one point, we were on different numbers, which for some reason, was extremely hilarious and we both cracked up.... Richelle thinks we're nuts (I'm pretty sure... She sits between us) and Phil was lost because he kept coming in late... I keep telling him to count but I think we may have to work on it sometime as a section. Yes... counting rests... 1, 2, 2, 2, 3, 2, 4, 2, 5, 2 and so on...

After orchestra I drove Dee to her car and we had a long talk about a lot of things... She was telling me about her bf and I look forward to meeting him when he is here next week. I have seen a pic of them on her display on MSN and they are cute and she is so happy! It's cute but disgusting... :D One of the things that she said that I found interesting (because I could relate) was that she feels as though there are people in her life she would like to give advice to that wouldn't necessarily be receptive. I pointed out that I am like that but on the other hand, I have had to learn when not to give advice as well... It's tough but something we have to do sometimes...

I met Tara at the mall for a walk/browse/Christmas shopping session and it was cool to have a chance to spend some time wandering. We wandered into one store that had some really cool stuff and I asked about dropping off a letter to the manager about the silent auction and the lady who was working said no problem and gave me the name and phone number of a woman who makes handmade glass ornaments and such that they have on display. She is a U of L grad and a music fan and the laady said that she would probably be quite receptive to donating something to the auction. I am very excited and I am going to go over and drop off the letter and give this woman a call tomorrow! While I was at the mall I picked up a few small things for some friends and my second Christmas thing for this year. My first was a snowman who plays the piano and this is a penguin who sings... He is so cute! I almost bought one for Tara for Christmas because she loves penguins but... I think this may drive her nuts. She saw the penguin slippers in Payless tho and I thought she was going to scream... It was so cute. :) I picked up a couple of pointsettia flowers to add colour to my plant and some yarn (it was on a MAJOR sale) at Michael's and then picked up the car from the curling club.

After the mall, I went to pick up Lindz... While I waited for her, I called my friend Mike who I haven't talked to in a few months.... I wanted to check in and see how SAIT was going for him and how life has been treating him. It was awesome to talk to him and he said he is going to come to Moxie's on Saturday night! I am SO excited!!!

When Lindz came out, we went to BP's for food and such. We split panzerotti roll and spinach and artichoke dip and sat and talked about a ton of different stuff. It was interesting hearing about how life has been in the last little while. I didn't know how much had changed recently... I look forward to hanging out with her again soon!

When I picked John up from the curling club, we dropped Lindz off at home and stopped at Shopper's and then Mac's and then came home. I picked up some eye rewetting drops and a box of Ferrero Roche and John got a ton of Lindor's and some Visine and such. At Mac's we got slurpees and John bought double stuff oreo's... Will's asked why he was buying oreo's and John said, "because I can." I asked Will where we are going for dinner and John said, "his place, he'll cook" to which I responded, "more like - his place, where his mom will cook..." and then I said, "we could do our place but that means I cook and you clean..." and John turned to Will and asked, "So. Where are you going OUT to?" Will and I both laughed and John didn't find it nearly as funny as we both did. *lol* :D

I am looking forward to going home tomorrow... I am making Christmas Cards tomorrow night with my mom, running around to various places tomorrow when I get back and on Saturday and shopping for the baby shower before I leave on Sunday, as well as going to THING and everything else I have to do... It's going to be busy but good!

So I still have homework before bed... And I am not tired yet. So I am going to go do the homework and then try to get some sleep.

Silent Auction, Advice from Family, Profs, Devos...

So today I made a ton of phone calls and did a bunch of other stuff (including go to class but that seems inconsequential)...

I called a bunch of places in and around Calgary to ask about donations towards the Silent Auction at the Big Band Cabaret. So far, a lot of places were really receptive. There were a few that I know my friends really enjoy dealing with that were not as receptive as I would have hoped and I found it very disconcerting. I have a few places I need to fax the letter to and a few others I need to stop by and drop off the letter to once I am back in Calgary this weekend. Next week (or in the next couple of weeks) I am going to drop by a few places where I either know people or places that are uniquely Lethbridge and see if they would be willing to donate anything. One of my favourite donations so far is my friend Felicity works as a massage therapist and has offered to donate two half hour massages. :) I think that's awesome and I may have to bid on one of them myself! I have called a variety of different places... The list so far looks like this:

• St. John's Music
• Long and MacQuade
• Felicity
• Calgary Jewellers
• Mountain Equipment Co-op
• Camper's Village
• Music Makers
• Axe Music
• Rideau Music
• Guitarworks

I also talked to my mom and my cousin and they recommended I call or drop into and ask:

• The Cheesecake Cafe
• Chatters
• Calgary Winter Club
• Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra
• Canto Music Society
• Theatre Calgary
• Alberta Theatre Projects
• Storybook Theatre
• Lunchbox Theatre
• Calgary Roughnecks
• Calgary Hitmen
• Calgary Flames

I am going to make some more phone calls tomorrow and hopefully fax the letter in as well to the places that have requested it be faxed.

In talking to my cousin, I got updated on how life is for her, how her kids and husband are doing and some advice... I do not always welcome advice but she's older than me so I generally smile and nod and thank her when she is finished. I have to admit... when people tell me, "I know what you are dealing with..." or "I know what you are going through..." I feel like yelling at them, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!" but it doesn't seem like it would make much of a difference... :( Idigress. We were talking about how each of us is doing.. I haven't talked to her in over a month and the last time I tried to call, I got her mom (her mom lives in BC so that was a surprise to begin with) and was told she was in hospital (she was really sick before they moved here and had surgery right after they moved here and has been fine ever since) so I was pretty worried about her. But I hadn't been able to get a hold of her. So I was glad I was able to get a hold of her and that she is doing much better than what I had last heard. She is dealing with some of the same health stuff I am right now, it makes it easier to relate to her somehow... We got to talking about how life is here and how school is going... I admitted that while school isn't going that badly, I dropped a class because I wasn't doing as well in it as I would have liked and was having a hard time retaining the information. Also, my brother and I haven't been seeing eye to eye lately. She and I talked about it and a lot of what she said made sense. I was in tears a couple of times... Mainly because she actually got what I was saying. That doesn't happen very often right now... She is an older sister and her younger sibling is a brother and she has felt the way I feel right now... Most of my friends don't get it. I was actually surprised that she does. Anyway, she told me that I need to prioritize my life and that I should be #1 on that list. And that I need to make sure that my health and welfare are at the top of my list with school somewhere after that and then my family and friends lower on the list. I was surprised to hear that because a lot of people expect that family should be higher up. She pointed out that I should worry about what it's going to take to get me through school and working and such which means that my health and schoolwork are at the top of my list and everything else may need to take a backseat for a while. I like that she doesn't push me. And that she said that if I don't get a chance to come and visit them before Christmas, I can come over after Christmas and we will have a Ukranian Christmas in January and I can see the family then... I was touched... She said, "your bed will always be here, for a night, a weekend, a week... whenever you need it. You know that." I appreciate that. I may just go spend a few days there while they are gone over Christmas break... So, after an hour on the phone, I felt a bit better about the situation here. She had some really good advice about my brother... like, "let him take the bus or call a cab..." which I thought was great! I may have to see how that works in the next little while...

I met with my history prof today... He completely confused me... I went for advice on how to blend my paragraphs together or how to transition from one to another... All of a sudden, he's going through "Mary Had a Little Lamb." I was okay with the rest of our conversation until he started reciting the rhyme and referred it to certain parts of my essay and then he partially lost me and I think I understand but I guess I will see as I continue to work on it. One of the things he said that bothered me is that I am signed up to take a specific course next semester that he said he wouldn't recommend due to not having the prerequisite. I can have it waived but he said I may drown without it. The problem is, the course he would recommend conflicts with another course I have been wanting to take since last year. The other problem, the course I am registered in and the one he says I should take are required for my degree (one or the other) and the one I want to take isn't required, it counts as an elective. Now I have to change my registration for next semester...

I got home late this afternoon after everything I was supposed to do was done and I did devo's for a while. I did "point and shoot" devos and landed on a passage in Romans about the body working together as a whole. I didn't write it down but it talks about how certain parts of the body cannot work without other parts and it always makes me think. I closed my Bible and opened it again and it fell open to 1st Corinthians... After this past weekend and the devo I led at the Steering meeting, it does hold a lot more meaning (I spilled my guts) but I read it... It made me tear up a bit. But afterwards I prayed and felt a lot better.

I had a conversation with a friend tonight about patience. He said it is something he needs to work on and I said it is something I struggle with as well. When he asked me to elaborate (because I know what he is working on) I summed it up with one word: "LIFE." I am trying to be patient with relationships, both friendships and otherwise, past, present and future. I am trying really hard not to anticipate too much what could happen and focus more on the here and now. There are certain people I feel I have to be more patient with than others but I think that is typical. I am trying to be patient with my family. At times they are driving me nuts and I am lettign them take a lot of my emotional energy that I just don't have to give right now. Health... I haven't been feeling well lately. I have been put on new meds to try and balance out my sleeping patterns and help me to eat and nothing has worked so far but I'm sure that if I wait, something will happen, eventually. I have been praying a lot about this because it is something I have been working on for a while. I find it odd that over the summer, while I am getting regular sleep but I am more active, I feel fine. I come back to school, I get less fresh air and sunlight and less activity and I am feeling crappy again. It's a vicious cycle. :( I am also trying to be patient with school. Rather than thinking, "I only have this many more courses" and anticipating things, if I sit back and let things go as they should, I will be fine. I also need to not procrastinate and be more patient with myself when it comes to my work. I know my stuff but I tend to second guess myself every step of the way. It's not healthy...

I did realize something this week. I used to have this little voice in my head (it was my voice, I'm not crazy) that, when I got a mark back on a test or assignment, would say, "what happened to the other ____%?" depending on the mark. Like, an 85% would be, "what happened to the other 15%? But a couple of weeks ago, I got a midterm back in History. Now, this is a course I loathe but am taking because it is required and I was convinced I had failed it. I went in thinking, "I bombed that, give it back to me, I don't care." But I got it back and had a 75% on it (or thereabouts) and I thought, "yes!!! I did way better than I had expected! Yay!!!" Which is a much healthier response. :)

All in all, I had a very productive day. Granted, my two papers are no closer to being finished. But I did some other things I have been meaning to... Including talking to my mom (which I needed to do) and talking to some friends I have been missing online... I will see you guys soon I hope...

I am going to go get some sleep, or try to...

As per earlier:

Mary Had a Little Lamb,

Whose Fleece Was White As Snow,

And Everywhere That Mary Went,

The Lamb was Sure to go.

It Followed Her to School one day,

Which Was Against the Rule,

It Made the Children Laugh and Play,

To See a Lamb at School.

(Seriously, what the heck???)

My New Blog

I have never had a blog where I could post exactly how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I decided to change that.

*WARNING* This blog may not always be happy and upbeat but it will always be honest and truthful.

I chose the names for the title for this blog from some of my favourite names or meanings. I didn't want it to be too long but it still ended up being quite long. The meaning of the names is described below the title and the other names I was looking at were "Day" which means "hope," "Anastasia" which means "resurrection" and "Destiny" which means "for which you were meant to do." But after going through the meanings, I went with what felt right. With the names/meanings that meant the most to me or described me.

Included within my title is the name Irina, which, as some people know, is actually my name in Russian. Written in Russian characters, it is: Ирина. I am very proud of my heritage but wish I was more in tune with what my name actually means... I haven't been feeling very peaceful as of late and my goal for the next little while is to work on that.

One thing some people I trust recommended was that I try to do something that is just for me. Whether that is hanging out with friends, going to a movie, going for a walk, going for a swim or whatever... if I feel good about it, that is what is important. Lately, I have been caring a lot about how other people are feeling and what they need and while that is important, I should be more worried about myself than I have been.

I haven't been feeling very well lately and I am prone to injury (I hurt my knee somehow and I can't figure out what I did to it) and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do. So for now, I am trying to make sure I eat and sleep (two things I tend to forget to do) and see what happens from there.