Heartsick...

So Monday my mom called and told me she was coming down to visit. This isn't that abnormal as she is currently off on Spring Break and when she had time off, she comes to visit us quite frequently. My brother was going to drive the van back to her so he could pick up his "new" car (it's new to him) and then drive it back down here. She was going to follow him. So far, nothing majorly odd about this. So, I spent most of the day working on my final theory project. That night, Ash and I went to BP's to grab dinner and compare notes. I met up with my mom around 9:30 (it took them 4 HOURS to get here!!!) and then we came home and I made tea and we watied for John to come back. Mom was asking me all kinds of weird questions about my project that is due today (I am going to shower and go hand it in on my way out of town) and what my Friday and Saturday are looking like and so on... I thought they were strange questions but I showed her what I have been working on and when John got home, Holly went to his room and the three of us sat down in the living room. Mom said she didn't know where to start... I asked "what's wrong? Did something happen to Grandma?" and she nodded... "She..." my mom nodded again... John and I both cried... Holly came out and gave us all hugs... We spent the next few hours sitting and talking about nothing of major note... I called a few friends, we sorted pictures from Mom's birthday and figured out that Saturday is better for the funeral as I have a concert that is my "final exam" for orchestra on Friday night and it will be easier to get through that first.

I'm still not sure how to react... 6 weeks ago, I didn't know. Now, I'm still not sure. My heart hurts. I'm not sure how else to explain it.

I have so many good memories of my grandparents... One of my favourites was always sleeping over at their house and we would go out to a movie and then to Luigi's for dinner (they have THE BEST pizza and pasta!) and then home to sleep. My grandma would rub my back and talk me to sleep... ("Your arms are getting sleepy.... your legs are getting heavy...") and I would sleep and dream... It's a long time ago. They were always the people I could call if I needed something, the place I could go if I needed somewhere to be...

My grandma has been sick for a while, about a year a half... But all in all, she still generally rememeber who I was (she had dementia) and we would sit and chat...

I don't think it has fully hit me yet... My mom wants me to sing this weekend, I'm still undecided... And I don't think it has hit her yet...

We talked about it and we said, it's like she just gave up...

But my grandparents are together again, and that will make them both happy so that's good...