Today was interesting. I got to sleep in MAJORLY which rocked! I got up at like 1pm. Going to bed at 4am and still being awake at 4:30 wasn’t so great though.
I got up, got ready to go out, talked to my Mom for a bit (she was over) and then went to my normal Saturday J.C. appointment at Crowfoot. It was a good appointment and I stopped at Booster Juice for me (as a treat for such a good appointment!) and Wendy’s for John on my way back to Safeway to meet Mom and John. As I was driving, Matt called to say that he was going to pick up Dana and then me and then James (on the opposite side of the freaking city) and then we would go to the church so I said I would probably figure something else out. At Safeway, I picked up a few things (food and such) that I needed and then came home for a few. Mom agreed to either drive me to the church or come pick up my car from the church so I called Matt and told him he didn’t need to come get me.
I watched some completely mindless T.V. for about an hour and then headed for the church. My bro came in to drop some stuff off and tell me he was taking the car.
Just after 6, we started our meeting. It went ok. I wish people would have talked more… the problem was that the people who have been more involved or who tend to be more vocal were the people who weren’t there tonight and that was frustrating. And one of the people who was there basically bailed on us right after one of the pizza sales, then recently said she still wants to help out and told the executive she didn’t even know why she was there, it made it sound like I had forced her to be there or something… I found that hard… I kind of felt like I came off as an incompetent leader and like we (as the committee) aren’t doing anything and that sucked.
THING went really well. Shannon was talking about Shepherds. She spoke about them in reference to the Christmas story and then in reference to daily life as it speaks to them in the bible. She talked about various biblical figures who were considered to be shepherds. The questions she gave us were personal enough to make us think, which made for good discussion. Our group was pretty small tonight… there were 6 of us and we got pretty in-depth and personal about people who have been Shepherds in our lives and being Shepherds to others. We went a little overtime but the discussion was awesome!
I went up to Laurel after small groups and gave her a hug. She asked why I was giving her a hug and I said for making such a difference in my life. I honestly don’t know if I would be the same person I am today if it wasn’t for her friendship. I have a lot of people in my life like that and I don’t give them enough credit… I had asked her to pray with me earlier in the evening and I felt a lot better after it. I’m glad I have her and people like her in my life. (I got a Christmas present from her and one from Ken tonight but I won’t open them yet… Ken’s jingles!) Ken and I are going to try and go for lunch for both of our birthday's (as we have yet to go for mine and his is in January) while I am home over Christmas.
As we were leaving the church Adam showed up and it was good to see him, it has been a while… I tried to convince Trev to come with us (I am REALLY sick of Tim's) and he and I have made plans to go out for dinner sometime while I am home over Christmas. Apparently he has a week off so we will see what happens! We went to Moxie’s after THING and I got a ride with Sandra as Ben and Nathan had yet to show up. When we got to Moxie’s, Meghan was there with her brother, Nick. We invited them to join us and they came over and sat with us after they finished their food. LJ and Amanda were also there, sitting at a different table. Kevin ended up sitting with them… Ben called me to find out where we were and I told him and he and Nathan came to meet us. Our table was Adam, Elsje, Alexis, James, Kirsten, Graham, Sandra, Matt, Nick, Meghan, Ben, Nathan and I. It was fun talking to and hanging out with this group, they were quite a bit older and more varied interest-wise from last week. I was kind of bothered by the fact that Ben and Nathan had completely missed THING but Nathan told me that last night after they had walked into the house, Ben had said, “if we go,” right after he told me they would see me at THING. It hurt that he would basically lie to my face… Ben came back and asked if I needed a ride home and I told him Sandra was giving me a ride and he said, “Santa? Santa is giving you a ride? But there isn’t enough snow!” and the people at that end of the table laughed… I didn’t think it was nearly as funny. I took a walk to get some air (I was feeling pretty claustrophobic, it was a long night, a lot of people and it was starting to feel like an enclosed space…) and Meghan came out after me to make sure I was okay. We talked and I said that I was fine, just feeling a little penned in. She asked if I was mad or frustrated or anything and I said no. I wasn’t. I was feeling… numb. I wasn’t angry, frustrated, sad or any other emotion I could define. I was just numb… We walked outside for a few (it was beautiful out) and then went back in. Towards the end of the night, after most people had left, Amanda, LJ and Kevin came and sat with Meghan, Nick, Sandra and I for a few. It was cool to see LJ, I haven’t seen her in what seems like forever. We were both drinking so we tried each other’s drinks. I liked the martini she was drinking and I think I may have to try one of my own sometime.
Sandra drove me home and we talked about random things… Guys, friends, school, exams, etc. It was nice to hang out with her, I don’t get to see her very often. We are going to try to hang out over Christmas vacation.
I came in to write this and I got a message from Ben asking if I was still mad at him… I’m not mad but I don’t think he gets it… I don’t know how to explain it to him either. I tried to say that and I tried to explain it based on how I am feeling but he got angry and went offline… I feel kind of hurt I guess is the best way for me to explain my feelings… I trust him more than most people. I have a hard time trusting guys to begin with and I think that this hurts more because it is him than if it were anyone else because it’s never really happened before. He is one of my best friends and one of the people I turn to for guidance, friendship, support and other such things and normally it’s a mutual thing… I don’t know how to explain what/how much our friendship means to me. I was going to go to Grace in the morning to hear his choir sing but now I think I will either stay closer to home or sleep in and attend an evening service somewhere. I know when I am not welcome and I will not overstep boundaries. I e-mailed him to try to explain but who knows. :( :’( :( :’(
I’ve been talking to my friend Liam (who I don’t get to see very often) and he tried to cheer me up but it’s not working. I just hope I didn’t destroy one of my best friendships… I’m going to go get some sleep. I don’t like going to be upset but it looks like I have no choice tonight. :(
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