*sigh* :'(

Alright, this week has got to get better soon or I will have to go jump off something really high... Even if it a diving board until the pressure of the water gives me a headache (which for some reason, always makes me feel better...).

Today I got up pretty early and went to work on my essay. I got a paragraph set and weeded out some stuff I didn't need from my notes and then got ready to go to school. I got to theory and we got our homework back (I got an A which was good, I think it was the best part of my day...) and then we talked about more 12-tone theory. *gag* After theory I stopped to talk to the prof about the assignment for that class and the paper for his other class.

I got home and John still wasn't up so grabbed lunch and I went back to work on my paper. I had a bit of a nap (about 30 minutes) midafternoon and then went back to work. I worked for about 4.5 hours straight, 3 of those hours on musical analysis and the other 1.5 on the body of the essay. At the point that I realized I needed to leave in about an hour, my laptop froze. So I shut down what I could and it still wasn't responding so I pressed, "CTRL ALT DELETE" and restarted my laptop. I lost 3/4 of what I had done... It was at that point that I restrained myself from throwing my laptop against the wall or out the window and sat and cried. I went back to work and as it hadn't auto-recovered, I was basically screwed.

I went to my night class and we watched two documentaries, one on the original King Kong (1933) and the other on Film Music and the importance that music plays in films. It was interesting and the film clips/music was good but I was very distracted. My prof (same as this morning) told me during the break that we were going to be watching excerpts from Fantasia, Looney Tunes and Spirited Away during the second half of class and as I have seen all of them, I asked if I could go home and go back to work. He said that was fine and asked what my topic was and I explained it to him. I left and am now at home.

I got home and told John he could have the car. He told me he had called a cab and I told him to call and cancel it. He apparently didn't know you could do that. So he did. I realized that I have a ton of work left to do this week, which includes that paper, which is technically due by 4pm tomorrow and with the work I did today down the drain, I'm basically screwed. I also need to figure out what to get my friend for her baby shower gift as the baby shower is on Saturday and between school, homework, the concert I'm playing in on Friday, rehearsals and my car needing to be serviced, I am basically out of time. When I realized all I have to do in the next little while, I wept. I didn't cry, I wept. I had tears rolling down my face and sobs shaking my body... I think I scared John... Hell, I scared myself... I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and stay like that...

I calmed down once John left and I e-mailed my prof. At this point I will have to pull an all-nighter (which I don't have the energy for) and work all day tomorrow, skipping everything I'm supposed to be at in order to get this done by 4pm. I don't know what else to do and I need to sleep sometime... *sigh* I'm waiting for a response from the professor and I hope he gets back to me soon...

For now, I am blogging incredibly early and then going back to work. Prayer is greatly appreciated. Hugs would be good from anyone I see in the next few days. This next week and a bit are going to be brutal and I may not be around a lot and I hope my friends understand I'm not being anti-social, I'm trying not to flunk out!

*sigh* Back to my stupid essay!